


(Don't) Forget Me

by YingCas



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3racha is there, Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming to terms with your past, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Foul Language, Friendship, Horror, Jisung curses a lot here, M/M, MINHO'S CATS ARE THERE, Twilight is mentioned a couple of times, am I spoiling my own story too much?, and mystery, but it's not a major part of the story, city of the dead, i'm sorry about that, it's not overly sad but, jeongin is cute, kind of, many people are kind of dead, or like Jisung goes to college, there are horror elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:22:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23617438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YingCas/pseuds/YingCas
Summary: “So, what is this place - the Halloween town?”“Halloween?” Minho tested the syllables, as though he had never heard of such a word before. That was obviously impossible, but he made it seem like it. “We just call this the village”“The village?", Jisung had trouble believing it. “Does this place not have a name?”“Why would it need a name?”
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 38
Kudos: 121





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo, see who’s back again!
> 
> I walked through a dead forest and a frozen lake a few weeks ago, trying to find a distraction for my constant anxiety and sadness. I came back with an idea for this story. I was initially going to write this for a different fandom and pairing altogether, but I changed my mind soon. I had just discovered Stray kids (I’m late to the party, I KNOW) and couldn’t resist giving this pairing a try.
> 
> I got inspiration from not only my little adventure but also Tim Burton’s movies Corpse Bride (my all-time favorite, I think everyone should see it at least once) and The Nightmare Before Christmas. The movies don’t really have anything to do with the plot of my story, but I wanted to mimic the gloomy, creepy atmosphere and shape it into something of my own. So, here goes nothing - I hope you like it!
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I don’t know these people. I’ve never met them in my life and I don’t claim to know anything about them. This is just a story I wrote for fun, I pulled everything out of my own imagination. I like to play with what-ifs.

_"No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away"  
\- Terry Pratchett_

* * *

Jisung moved to live with his grandma.

There were a few reasons for that, the biggest of all being that he got into college. He and his parents had lived in Malaysia for nearly all his life, but Jisung wanted to try his wings somewhere else, and what better place was there than Korea, where his parents and relatives had originally come from? He applied for college there and since his grandmother’s house was located on the outskirts of Seoul, she promised to take Jisung in.

Jisung didn’t have any money, so he had to take what he got. The house was old and far from the actual city, but Jisung was happy nevertheless. He got his driver’s license soon, so he could drive to school and take his grandma shopping and to see the city. He liked being able to take care of her, paying back a little bit at least. His parents had tried to convince her for years now to move in with them, or to move somewhere where someone could take care of her. She refused every time. So, now that Jisung was there looking after her, they could forget that fight. For a while at least.

His grandma was an amazing woman. Jisung’s grandfather had died years ago and still the old woman lived by herself, taking care of the house and even some of her friends living nearby. They all were closing seventy, all sharing the same stubborn mentality.

Jisung’s grandma was wealthy enough that she was able to live comfortably in her house and provide for Jisung well enough that he didn’t have to take up a part-time job. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t work at all though - during the weekends and short holidays that he had, he walked around the neighborhood with his grandma, carrying the groceries for her friends and doing other physical activities such as cleaning the eaves, “repairing” technical problems (usually it meant just restarting their computers and TVs) and such. He didn’t complain once, knowing that he was lucky for getting to live like that. And his grandma’s friends were nice, they kept squeezing his cheeks and offering him cookies.

Jisung’s time in University hadn’t really started like he thought it would. Fitting in was somewhat difficult after he had lived most of his life abroad. He knew the language and customs, but in many ways, he just seemed to miss out on many things. He went out to party and joined the cringy games that their tutors came up with, to make the newcomers befriend each other, but still, he didn’t seem to get along with the others. They didn’t fight, they just… didn’t click. And Jisung ended up spending most of his time alone.

It wasn't all awful though. Even though he spent his classes alone, he found friends from a music club on campus. Jisung befriended some really cool guys, a bit older than him, called Changbin and Bang Chan, and the three of them started making music together under the name 3Racha. Jisung lived studying and making what he loved - music. Who cared if he didn’t find a huge bunch of friends? He had 3Racha, he would be alright.

The older two had responsibilities though. Chan worked part-time alongside school, and Changbin was finishing his bachelor's degree despite only being on his second year (that damn overachiever) so Jisung was often left with lots of free time in the evenings. There was a limit to how many romantic dramas he could watch with his grandma before losing his sanity. So, he came up with alternative ways to spend his time.

In summer, when the weather got hot, Jisung decided to spend more time outside, since his grandma lived near some very popular nature sites. He looked through the maps carefully, before picking where he would go. There were forests not that far away and since his grandma didn’t really need him every second of the day (he went to his classes with no worries as well) he just went.

He took an old bike that he had gotten as a gift from one of his grandma’s friends (who apparently had a grandson who never visited anymore and that was why she just gave his stuff away to Jisung now) and cycled closer to a nearby forest that he had seen on google maps (that would hopefully not be filled with people). He hid the bike in the bushes and walked into the forest, and he knew almost immediately that he had found his favorite place for creative work. He had taken his notebook and earphones with him since 3Racha was currently working on a song Jisung really liked the melody of, but he was stuck with the lyrics. Maybe going to nature would help - or so he’d heard. So, that was what he did. He came back with six new verses and a fresh mind.

First spring, first summer, first fall. Jisung attended his classes, worked with 3Racha in a small studio on Campus after classes, and sometimes even went out to party with the two guys. They made sure that Jisung got everything out of his first year in Uni. That usually meant that Jisung got blackout drunk and had to sleep at Chan’s place (the lucky guy had a single room in the best dorm building of the campus). He got to feel the intensity of the city and the calm life with his grandma, a weird contrast but Jisung’s life had always been a bit out of the ordinary. If ordinary even existed.

Jisung felt somewhat happy when fall came around. Because that meant that his first year was almost over, and he had done well with both his studies and 3RACHA. Also, fall meant that winter was on its way, and Jisung loved winter the most.

The only downside was that it got too cold to just sit around in the forest. He couldn’t write in his notebook without freezing his hands, and the night came much earlier. Jisung didn’t really fear the dark, but it made everything inconvenient. He didn’t want to risk getting lost in the forest.

But he still went. It had become an essential part of his routine, so he still went to the forest. And since he couldn’t just sit around anymore, he started to explore. He walked deeper and deeper into the forest every time, finding clearings and new trails. He became more and more familiar with the terrain and dared to go deeper and deeper.

One time in late November, he kissed his grandma goodbye once again and went to the forest. The weather had been freezing cold for weeks, but there still was no snow. The forest seemed to have frozen both in time and literally, the fallen leaves crunching under his feet as he made his way deeper. This time he was listening to some of 3Racha’s recent tracks that needed just a little bit of fine adjustments before they could upload them. Changbin was struggling with his exams at the moment, so he had promised to check through them next weekend. It was still days away, so Jisung decided to do it himself. 

He was halfway through Runner’s High when he saw something that caught his eye. Behind the trees, there was something that seemed to be a clearing, but it looked different somehow. Too big, too clear. Jisung made his way there, through the small cover of trees, and stopped immediately when he saw what it really was.

In front of him was a lake. It was huge, spreading left and right for as long as Jisung could see, more dark forest growing on land very far away. Far in front of him, the trees were so high, like they were hiding something on the other side. 

The lake was frozen, that much was clear. The ice looked thick, but Jisung checked it with his foot to be sure. He removed his headphones to hear any possible cracks but none came. It had been cold for weeks now - the ice could carry his weight just fine.

Only then did he realize how silent the world around him was. There was no wind, no birds, no traffic that could be heard far away. The only sound Jisung could hear was his own breathing and Changbin’s quick rap verse still going on from his headphones, and he silenced that soon as well, hiding them in his jacket pocket.

It was cold, and the sky over the lake was dark blue and gray, indicating the forthcoming night.

Strange. It shouldn’t be more than four o’clock yet.

Jisung checked his phone and confirmed that. It wasn’t that late yet. He looked behind himself into the forest that was getting darker and darker by the minute. He should head back soon. But he still had quite a lot of batteries left in his phone, he could go a little further before he really had to go back home. He could feel a small wind coming from the lake, and everything about the other side just felt… inviting?

He could come back later, but he didn’t want to. He also knew that getting on ice was dangerous but the forest… The forest was calling him. Was he losing his mind? Maybe, but what if there was something really cool on the other side of the lake? 

Jisung stepped on the ice. Carefully, he took one step, then another, and when the ice showed no signs of giving in, he started walking. The distance between him and the other shore was maybe a few hundred metres, but the further he walked on the lake, the further away it seemed. Standing on the frozen lake, all alone under the dark blue sky felt unreal, like he was all alone in the universe.

Ohh, he could write about that! Jisung reached for his phone, but for some reason, he couldn’t open the screen. No light came out, not even the one asking for recharging. That was strange- had the battery died because of the coldness? But it wasn’t _that_ cold, was it? He turned back, but the forest he had come from was now further away than the one he was going to.

Well, he could find his way in the forest he was familiar with, for sure. He had come so far, who knew when the lake was going to melt? Then he wouldn’t be able to reach the other side at all! 

Jisung was young and healthy. So he said fuck it and quickened his pace. His breathing created white puffs of air in the dark night but he didn’t even feel all that cold. He was determined.

When he was merely a hundred meters away from the other side, he could see light. It wasn’t very bright but it was definitely there. The closer he got, the clearer it became and soon, Jisung could distinguish it as fire. A few small lanterns were placed at the edge of the ice, making the whole forest look much more interesting. Jisung eyed the lanterns curiously as he got closer, and once his feet touched land again, he crouched down in front of one. The flame was burning happily behind an ancient-looking glass lantern.

“Don’t break it”

Jisung nearly got a heart attack. He looked up to see a boy walking towards him from the forest, with a serious look on his face. Right. If there were lanterns here, there had to be someone who had lighted them as well.

“I wasn’t going to”, Jisung assured him and got up. The boy was obviously taller than him. That was annoying, but not unusual. “Sorry, is this private property? I didn’t know”

“Um, no, it isn’t”, the boy shook his head. He was only wearing a hoodie, he had to be cold. And he wasn’t exactly a boy either, he looked like he was around the same age as Jisung.

Yet, it was him who asked Jisung. “Are you alright?”

“What, me? Of course! Okay, well, I guess you don’t mind if I look around a bit? Just making sure, and I promise I won’t touch your lanterns!”

“Uh”, the boy looked confused. “Welcome, I guess” 

Jisung waved at him and continued his way, eager to see what was coming next. He wanted to go deeper, something was telling him that he would find something cool there. He didn’t need to walk for long until the forest trail grew into an actual street - a cobblestone street. The moon was shining down on him and it lighted his way, Jisung didn’t need any extra light to navigate in the dark forest.

There were lanterns here and there, and soon enough, he saw buildings as well. Houses built out of gray bricks, their walls crooked and dark iron gates and fences separating the street from small gardens. There were tons of dead plants growing along the fences and houses, and the trees reached their empty branches over the sky. There were some people here and there, not sparing him a glance. Something in the place seemed strange, but yet again. The people were quiet, there were no street lamps nor light of any kind anymore. Only the moon. It creeped him out.

He came to a city center of some kind. There were weird, wonky rock walls bordering a field next to it, and an ancient fountain in the middle of it all. The moonlight seemed to be pointing straight at it, and Jisung walked to see it up close. The water wasn’t frozen, which was weird considering that Jisung had just walked over a frozen lake to get there. There were beautiful decorations everywhere, but everything seemed to be so old - like, hundreds of years old. He didn't know places like that existed in Korea. Was it a theme park of some kind? Or, an abandoned village? That was so cool!

“Hey, young soul! Are you lost?” Jisung heard a small, low voice somewhere nearby and it took a while from him to realize that it came from the fountain. He looked down to see something - someone - look at him from the dark water. He looked like a young man, only his dark hair and eyes peeking from the water.

“Oh shit what, are you crazy?” Jisung answered, yes _very politely_ , to a guy he had just met. But how on earth could he be so deep in the water, when the fountain couldn’t be more than half a meter deep? Not to mention the water must be freezing cold.

“Uh”, the guy didn’t seem offended, at least. “No? What are you trying to say, are you still out of it?”

“No I’m just-” Jisung wasn’t able to finish his sentence since the guy decided to rise from the fountain at that moment. He looked normal at first, standing up from the water like a normal person, but something about his face didn’t look normal. From the nose down, it looked like… like a part was missing?

A part that _really_ should be there.

Then how the FUCK did he talk?

“What’s wrong? Hello, can you hear me?” The guy didn’t really have a mouth, yet he was still talking to Jisung, staring right at him as he climbed off of the fountain. But by the time his feet hit the broken floor of the plaza, Jisung was already running.

What the fuck, what the actual fuck was that, where the fuck was he? Jisung ran for his life in the dark village and cursed himself for entering it. What the fuck had he even been thinking, what did he think he would find there? Obviously he had walked into some demonic dead city where they would rip him to pieces and eat him for dinner. That shouldn’t be possible yet it still was, he had just met a guy with no jawbone and still pretty much alive and chatting with him, what the fuck what the fuck what

 _Where the fuck had he come from?_ Jisung kept running through the streets but nothing looked familiar, he must have turned the wrong way at some point and it was so dark and scary and oh god he was going to die, he was going to die in the hands of a demon of some kind even though they shouldn’t even exist.

He turned away to see if the demon was still chasing him, but at that exact moment, he felt his body collide with someone else. He stopped and stepped back so quickly that he fell to the ground, hard.

“Hey, be careful!”

“Sorry, sorry”, Jisung picked himself up from the ground and looked back. Still, no signs of the demon but he was definitely following him, Jisung had seen him a few times while he had turned a corner.

“Hey, are you alright?” The guy he had run to asked, and Jisung looked up at him. He looked like a normal person, around his age, with no demon-like features to be seen. He could still be one, but he didn’t look like one at first. Jisung would have answered him if the voice of the actual demon had not reached him first.

“Heyyy where are you going? You didn't even tell me your name!”

Jisung looked around but he seemed to be at a dead end. Typical. The houses around him looked to have been made out of stone, he could maybe hide in one of them but oh my god the demon was there already and he had run out of time.

So, Jisung did the only thing he could. He hid behind the strange guy’s back.

“Please don’t let him kill me”, he whispered and the stranger looked confused.

“Kill, who- ah Hyunjin, you promised you’d stop doing this!”

The demon had a name? Hyunjin? That sounded so… lame.

“Sorry Minho, I just couldn’t resist. He looked so cute”.

So, the stranger had a name. Minho. That was very ordinary too. Hiding behind his back seemed safer and safer by the second since the guy was able to have a normal discussion with the de- ah, Hyunjin. Maybe he wouldn’t die tonight after all. Or maybe the two of them were friends and they would just feast on Jisung’s poor body together. He wouldn’t even be a good meal since he was so skinny - couldn’t they see that?!

“Can’t you see how scared you made him, as if coming here weren’t hard enough already”

“Yeah yeah sorry”

“ _Yeah yeah sorry_ ”, Minho imitated his voice in a less than flattering way. “Now fuck off, and let me take care of your mess”

Jisung hadn’t even realized that he had been shaking before Minho turned around and took his hands. Hyunjin disappeared and Jisung could finally breathe. He felt nauseous and dizzy, but Minho’s hands kept him grounded.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” Minho asked softly. That was the third time Jisung had been asked that question in the past twenty minutes and each time his answer would have been different.

This time no voice would come out of his mouth, so he just shook his head. And chuckled because he was alright now, right? But this weird person - Minho - acted like what had just happened was all normal.

“Ah”, Minho seemed to finally understand where the problem lied. “Hyunjin is a vengeful spirit. He can look normal if he wants to but sometimes he just… doesn’t bother. I’m sorry you had to meet him like that"

“Like that?” Why was Minho taking this so lightly?! “Can he take… _other forms_?”

Jisung hated how much he sounded like a mouse while saying the last two words but that was terrifying. A vengeful spirit didn’t sound good at all, Jisung had seen enough horror movies to know that he should get the fuck away from there, and hide in a crowd for the next few years, the rest of his life probably.

“Uh, not exactly, no. He just likes to scare people, that bastard.”

Yeah, Jisung had almost been scared to death. Oh god, he felt like passing out, he had to get away! But going home meant walking through the village, over the ice and through the forest and cycle through dark streets and the sleeping village of his grandmother’s and… and he had a fucking demon after him.

“Hey, hey hey calm down it’s okay”, Minho squeezed his arms reassuringly. “Hyunjin is not dangerous, he won’t hurt you”

Jisung nodded as though he believed Minho. Maybe he was right. But still. He couldn’t take a risk like that. He took deep breaths as Minho instructed and slowly but surely, started to feel a bit better. 

“Okay, so, when did you come?”

“Um, like, less than an hour ago”, Jisung answered. “And I need to get the fuck out of here”

“It’s late”, Minho said, as if it wasn’t obvious. “You should stay”

“After that?”, Jisung asked. 

Minho took a deep breath. As though Jisung’s ‘panic wasn’t justified. Jisung took a look up to the dark skies that had been bright before but there were white clouds gathering there now. 

“You don’t want to go over the ice this late, it’s dangerous. You’ll get lost in the forest”

Every word that Minho said was true. Jisung knew that. But he couldn’t just stay in a random place he found on the other side of a lake that shouldn’t even exist. Minho put a hand on his shoulder and Jisung looked at him in the eyes.

“Hey, I know it sucks”, he said. “But I know a place where you can stay overnight. Follow me”

Jisung didn’t really have any other choice now, did he?


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, do you have a phone?”

“No, I don’t”, Minho answered. That was weird, but not any weirder than meeting a man in a fountain who was missing half of his fucking face. “Why?”

“I just need to tell my grandma that I’m okay. She will be worried if she doesn’t hear about me”

Minho looked at him with a sad expression. Jisung couldn’t understand it. The wind that had previously been almost nonexistent, was getting wilder and it kept blowing his hair on his face annoyingly. His grandma would be worried sick, he kept thinking whether he should still just swallow his fear and get over the damn lake.

Minho had promised him a place to stay. Was it a bad idea to trust him? Absolutely. But Minho didn’t seem dangerous and Jisung didn’t even have anything of value with him, except for the phone, so Minho wouldn’t have anything to rob either. Jisung had been called blue-eyed a million times but he honestly didn’t see why people would be mean just for the heck of it. Minho didn’t have any motives to kill or hurt him. Except if he was a demon. But maybe not.

Hyunjin obviously couldn’t be one either. Maybe he just had a good costume or something? Minho had called him a vengeful spirit. Maybe it really was just a costume. Halloween was close, maybe it was related to that.

Minho led him through the streets, where the lanterns were still burning. Jisung wondered who the lantern guy was - was he the one who took care of these? Was he a demon as well, or..?

The absolute silence of the place was creeping Jisung out, so he started to talk again.

“So, what is this place, the Halloween town?” 

“Halloween?” Minho tested the syllables as though he had never heard of such a word before. That was obviously impossible, but he made it seem like it. “We just prefer to call this the village”

“Village”, Jisung had trouble believing it. “You mean this place doesn’t have a name?”

“Why would it need a name?”

“I don’t know, why does any place in this world need a name?”

“Okay, I don’t know, people never cared to think of one I guess”

Was this guy an idiot or was he playing with him? Jisung had learned long before, that trusting handsome guys was a bad idea. But Minho seemed genuinely clueless. Jisung shouldn’t piss him off though, so he just stayed quiet the rest of the way and followed him. Finally, they reached a very small house on the side of the village, next to the dark forest. It was so incredibly small, Jisung doubted they had come to the right place but Minho just walked to the door and pulled it open. Damn, it wasn’t even locked.

“Welcome to my humble home”, Minho said as he stepped inside and lit a few candles. The house was basically just one room, with a desk with four stools and a big bed at the corner. Despite not having much furniture, the room was in no way empty. The ceiling, the walls, even the floor had been decorated. They looked quite raw, dark wood, at first glance but when Jisung stepped closer, he could see the carvings on the wood. Beautiful patterns all over the place, he moved his hand along the lines carefully and admired how the patterns behaved in the light of the fire, creating beautiful shadows on the wall. 

Everything in the room seemed to be made by hand. The table, the fabrics hanging from the ceiling like he had seen in some Arabic movies, the decorations, everything. It looked cozy and beautiful. Jisung’s grandma was good at making stuff by hand but this was next level handicraft.

“Um, it isn’t much but it’s better than sleeping outside, right?”

Minho looked almost shy. Jisung dropped his hand and shook his head at his modesty.

“What do you mean not much, this place is beautiful! Did you decorate it yourself?”

“Most of it, yeah”, Minho said matter of factly. “I’ve been here for a while”

A while. The way he said it sounded like it wasn’t just a few years that he was talking about but Jisung didn’t dare ask more. He sat down at the table and moved to admire the beautiful patterns of the tablecloth. It looked so old, just like something his grandma would make. It didn’t seem to fit in a young man’s apartment but he didn’t know Minho yet, so he couldn’t judge. Maybe he had a thing for old stuff.

“Okay, so, I only have one bed”, Minho nodded at the corner. “I hope you don’t mind sharing. The floor can get quite cold so I don’t recommend it”

“It’s fine by me”, Jisung answered honestly. “I don’t mind if you don’t”

“I was the one who invited you here, of course, I don’t mind”, Minho sat down on the bed. It looked so soft and comfy, and it was really wide, way too much for a single person anyway. And really, Jisung had shared beds before. He, Changbin and Chan sometimes slept on Chan’s wide twin bed after a wild night out, and during his youth sharing the bed with his friends had been natural. Even with people he barely knew. 

People who had saved him from a random fountain demon? Sure, no problem.

Minho closed a window that was pointing straight to the forest. The glass slightly distorted the view to the dark forest that Minho covered with the curtains, the wind was howling inside the house. 

“It might get stormy tonight”, Minho said and walked to the bed to remove the bedspread. It was so old fashioned, just like everything else in the house.

“But it was so clear just a few moments ago!” Jisung insisted and parted the curtains just a little to see outside. The trees were moving in the wind just a little, the pines and spruces waving their branches against the sky that was now filled with clouds.

“The weather changes quickly here”, Minho shrugged. “So… do you wanna sleep on the left side or right side?”

The wind got louder and louder. It didn’t rain, but Jisung could hear the other sounds of the forest like there were no walls around him at all. It was kind of creepy but he got used to it fast.

Jisung was just about to fall asleep when a knock to the door interrupted that. Hir heart jumped to his throat but Minho was quick to react.

“Oh, that would be Jeongin”, Minho said as he got up. “Jeongin is completely harmless. He just… fears storms. Which is strange, I know, but that’s him”

That didn’t sound weird at all to Jisung but he didn’t bother commenting anything at all. Instead, he watched as Minho walked to the door and pulled it open.

“Oh my god hyung I- oh, who is this?”

There was a boy at the door. Shorter than Minho, wearing a school uniform. He walked in and Minho closed the door, and in the absolute darkness of the room, the boy eyed Jisung curiously. Who was this kid?

“Um”, Minho started. “This is…”

Jisung realized that the older was trying to introduce Jisung to the younger rather than another way around. But, Jisung had never told him his name, for some reason.

“Jisung. Han Jisung”

“Ohhh okay, nice to meet you, I’m Jeongin”, the boy bowed politely and Jisung nodded at him, still sitting on the bed. “How old are you Jisung-ssi?”

“I was born in 2000,” he said. Jeongin only tilted his head at that so he continued “Uh, so I just turned nineteen”

“Ohh, so you’re my hyung then”, he said. “Do you mind if I sleep there with you for the night? I always sleep next to hyung when it’s stormy outside since it kinda freaks me out”

“Yeah sure, it’s fine by me” 

Why was he even asking Jisung, when it wasn’t his house? Even if it was, Jisung would have trouble saying no to him - the boy looked so cute and innocent, leaving him outside in the storm sounded like a case for the Child Protection workers. Jisung was well aware that this kid could be a murderer but in that case, Minho could be one as well and he was already playing with his life here so what’s another stranger in the game?

Jeongin walked through the room with happy, bouncy steps. Jisung was just about to ask where he was supposed to sleep, but Jeongin beat him to it. He jumped on the bed, in the middle, and Minho climbed in after him. Jeongin curled against the older immediately.

Like it was the most natural thing he had ever done.

Jeongin fit there perfectly, and Jisung was left with enough space. It wasn’t a problem. However, he couldn’t fall asleep again. He felt tired, but he couldn’t sleep. He kept listening to the howling wind in the darkness and counting the boards on the ceiling.

Where on earth had he come?

“When did you come, Jisung hyung?” Jeongin asked quietly after some time. Minho had been breathing at a steady pace for a while, but neither Jisung nor Jeongin had fallen asleep. Jisung turned just a little to see Jeongin in the darkness. Minho had his arm thrown over the younger lazily but there was nothing sexual about it - instead, it just looked comforting.

“Um, this afternoon”, people kept asking him that, as though he had entered another reality. Or a weird youth camp or something. He didn’t dare say that to Jeongin though since the boy looked so serious asking that.

“Oh”, Jeongin hummed in return. “Was it scary?”

“No, I just walked over the ice. That guy with the broken jaw scared the shit out of me though”

“Hyunjin?” Jeongin grimaced. “He likes scaring me too. I don’t like him”

“What’s his problem? Minho called him a vengeful spirit” 

“Yeah, that’s what we call people like him”, Jeongin nodded a little. So, there were more people like him? “Like, he is not dangerous but he has so much anger, he likes to take it out on people by scaring them.”

Hearing that from Jeongin who looked like a baby was comforting. All in all, lying there on Minho’s bed was comfortable. He had felt like the forest had been calling him somehow. Now that call was gone and he felt… content in his heart, although he knew it was ridiculous. 

At some point, he must have fallen asleep because when he woke up again, he was alone. No sign of Jeongin or Minho, only calmer winds blowing through the uneven windows and a bit brighter light coming from outside.   


He had slept with all his clothes on. He hadn’t even realized it. How disgusting. But he didn’t feel all that disgusting though. He didn’t feel much at all - no hunger, no need to pee, not sweaty. Nothing.

But that was a good thing, he didn’t necessarily want to feel uncomfortable. Also, the fact that he was alone now was good. He could just sneak out, and he wouldn’t need to explain anything to anyone. Just run out of the stupid village and never look back. 

He was just about to walk to the door to do just that when he realized something. He patted against his pocket to check if his phone was still there but surprise surprise, it wasn’t. He tried the other pocket, his pants and his jacket, and boom - nothing. He turned back and checked the covers; it could have fallen from his pocket when he had slept. He checked the floors, the table, everything in the small room but he didn’t find it anywhere. He didn’t find anything at all.

Maybe it had fallen from him when he had run? When had he checked it the last time? But his jacket pockets had zippers in them. And it wasn’t just his phone he was missing - he was missing everything he had had with him, which was quite a lot of stuff considering that Jisung had the habit of collecting his pockets full of stuff.

He felt anger boil in his chest - had he been fooled after all?

He stormed out of the room. He would have to find Minho.

But, he was closer than he had expected. 

“Hey, Jisung!” He heard a yell from somewhere behind him. He turned around and up to see Minho sitting on the roof of his house. “Did you sleep well?”

“YOU”, Jisung wasn’t in the mood for any more games. He had been an idiot for trusting in him, he knew that, but now he would take what was his and get the fuck out of there.

Minho gestured at himself confused. “Me?”

“Where is my stuff?” Jisung asked, screaming since Minho was on the roof and he was so mad. “My phone, my headphones, my keys - they’re old and not worth much for anyone so give them back!”

“I haven’t taken your belongings”, Minho answered slowly. “You didn’t have any in the first place”

“What?” That was the only thing that Jisung got out. What did he mean he didn’t have any? Of course, he did, he was 100% sure that he did. Or had he lost them before meeting Minho? Had Hyunjin stolen them? Or the lantern boy? But how could Minho even know that his pockets were empty, had he checked them? Or Jeongin? Where was the boy anyway, was he now selling his stuff and Minho was only buying him time?

Minho jumped down from the roof but Jisung didn’t even have time to notice how gracefully he had done it since his head was filled with confusion.

“I can’t go home without them”, he said, and Minho eyed him with an expression that he couldn’t read. It was soft, but… he looked confused as well. 

“Jisung, you… Do you understand where you are?”

“In some damn village where people swim in fountains and don’t lock their doors”, Jisung put his hands in his hair as he tried to think.

There was something that didn’t click.   
  
The weather was much brighter today. Not yet sunny, but Minho’s face looked like it was glowing. Or rather - it looked transparent. When he stepped closer, Jisung could see the forest behind him, as though he could almost see right through him. When Minho touched his hand, he felt solid, yet too thin, too unreal, against the dark forest. Like he was only a hologram - a ghost.

“They say you can’t take anything with you to the other side”, Minho said slowly. “That’s why”

“You’re not saying this is the other side, are you?” Jisung asked, but something in him understood exactly what Minho was saying. He didn’t want that to be true. Something about this place had been wrong from the very start, and Jisung hadn’t been able to brush the uneasiness from his shoulders. His thoughts went back to the lantern boy in the dark forest, but also to Jeongin, who seemed so bright and happy.

“Wait. I can’t be dead!”

Minho’s expression changed to something unreadable. Jisung touched his face, tapped his hands and tried to remember how he had reached the village. It had definitely just been a hike, he had walked north from his grandma’s house and just seen Minho at the border. He didn’t remember dying on the way - so he couldn’t have, right?

But when he looked at his hands in front of his face, he could… he could see through them.

“I’m sorry, Jisung, but… you are”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again everyone, I hope you've been doing well! This chapter is very short, I know, but the next chapters are going to be much longer - I've already written most of them! I can't wait to show them all to you guys now that I have the time to write again!

_“Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets”_

_\- Arthur Miller_

* * *

“There is a time in fall when the borders between the living world and ours become easier to cross. However, it only works one way - no living being can ever walk into the city of the dead since it doesn’t physically exist in the same way as they do. It’s simply impossible. You must have died before crossing the border”

Sungjin explained slowly as he would to a young child who refused to understand. He was ancient, maybe Jisung really was a child in his eyes. And he did refuse to understand, but not just for the heck of it, but because something simply didn’t add up.

“But I don’t remember dying. I just walked in”

“Maybe you lost your consciousness before that? And you walked in simply because it’s fall time and the border is easier to cross now? Believe me, I’ve seen many unusual cases of quick death around here, but never a living person”

“But still, I can’t… I can’t be dead”, Jisung ran his hand through his hair and looked up to Minho who was standing at the door, a serious look on his face. 

Minho had been the one to drag him to Sungjin instead of letting him go and run away. A soul could get lost in the forest just as well as a human could, and although they didn’t need to fear freezing to death or something (because they were already dead) it wouldn’t be pleasant.

 _Because he had just died and he needed guidance, comfort, and understanding_. Jisung called bullshit - he needed to get the fuck home. But Minho had grabbed his arm and dragged him to see the oldest soul in the damn village, the one who looked like a vampire that the goths approved of, with his long cloak and feline eyes. 

“I’ve heard that sentence so many times”, Sungjin sighed, no empathy in his voice. “But I’m afraid it has to be true. I’m sorry, Han Jisung.”

...

“So, now I’m going to have to stay here until I figure out what killed me?” Jisung kicked a rock out of his way. Sungjin was convincing (and scary, for some reason) and had explained everything to him thoroughly, but Jisung couldn’t handle it all at once. He needed time. He didn’t feel like he was dead but as he kept staring at his hands that were now partially see-through, he knew it had to be true. He didn’t feel hungry, exhausted, the cold didn’t bother him and no matter how hard he pressed his palms against his chest, there was no heartbeat to be felt.

Because this was not his body, even. This was just his soul, looking like the replica of what he had looked like right before dying. With his dark blue windbreaker jacket and black jeans and everything. 

“Yeah, maybe, but it’s not nearly as simple. Your heart is too heavy for some reason and for the most, it has something to do with their deaths. You saw Hyunjin when you came - he holds a grudge that he can’t let go. Then some people have relatives holding a grudge or who died in mysterious ways and are still seeking justice. Stuff like that”

Minho was walking beside him. Jisung was thankful for him, for taking such good care of him. He had yet to apologize for yelling at him but and thank him for taking him in for the night. But maybe that could wait until his head was clearer. Because apparently, he didn’t have to hurry anymore.

“So… this is not the afterlife?”

“No. It’s basically just a purgatory”

Jisung stopped.

Because where was he going anyway? He was dead. He was… he wasn’t anything anymore. He no longer existed in the world he had known, he had nowhere to go and nowhere to return to. Yet, the dark shadows of the forest looked as scary as they had before. He might not feel the coldness in the same way anymore, nor have any reason to fear the unknown darkness that couldn’t hurt him anymore. But still, he felt so small and lost.

Empty. Everything was gone and he was just empty. Alone.

“Jisung?” Minho’s voice ripped him away from the swirling thoughts, and Jisung turned away from the forest to look at the guy who had stopped upon realizing that he didn’t have a companion anymore. “I know that it can be a bit much at first. Talking about it will make it easier”

“I”, Jisung’s voice sounded so fragile even to himself. He shook his head. “I… give me some time”

“Sure”, Minho said. “As much as you need. You know where to find me”

And then... Jisung ran.

In the movies, people usually ran and screamed and then maybe cried a little, and felt better afterward. However, Jisung couldn’t feel any burn in his muscles as he ran full speed out of the village and on to the ice. Screaming didn’t hurt his throat, it felt as though no one could hear it anyway. 

No chains were holding him down anymore, yet he couldn’t fly. He was in a weird in-between state, he was dead but he couldn’t move on.

And where to, anyway?

And his grandma… was he still waiting for him to come back home?

The wind blowing over the frozen lake went right through him and Jisung truly felt unreal. Like the wind could blow him away. But it… didn’t. Because Jisung’s heart was too heavy. It was like a rock, somehow, yet untouchable. Unmovable.

Feeling it was too much. He wanted to escape. But.. where? 

Jisung kneeled on ice. He wasn’t real anymore, was he? So, did that mean… could he…

He placed his hands on the ice and closed his eyes. He bowed down like he was doing a ritual, but instead, he pressed his head against the ice and then, slowly, through it. 

He opened his eyes in the water. It was dark, he could feel the coldness of the water on his skin, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. It was rather relaxing. Jisung let his whole body fall through the ice into the water, fall into the darkness where he couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t feel the wind, and just… floated.

He didn’t need to breathe, but he still could. The water didn’t flow into him, it was as though he and the liquid were on different frequencies, coexisting but not touching each other. It was dark, ice let through so little light, and Jisung started swimming, deeper, into the darkness.

Because he had nothing to be afraid of anymore, right? He was dead. He hadn’t been able to say goodbye to anyone he loved, no one had been able to prepare for it. He had just been ripped out of life just like that, and he didn’t even know why.

Soon, Jisung was at the bottom. He could feel fish swimming around him, living their lives not knowing that a random human soul was visiting their home. Or… were they dead as well? Dead fish souls? He sat down on the bottom, and there was no force trying to pull him up. No lungs filled, demanding oxygen, no body to float away or get caught in the current. Just an empty and sad soul, sitting there, with no purpose.

Maybe he sat there for hours, maybe days. He thought through everything that was painful. He prayed, for any greater powers that could hear, that he would be forgiven for leaving so soon. He thought of his friends, his parents, his grandma, and her friends, everyone who would be affected by his death. Did they even know that he was dead yet? Or was he just missing, lying dead in the forest somewhere?

Was his grandma leaving the light on to the hallway, just in case he came home late? Was his father angry, claiming that he was probably just partying with his friends and would arrive in a few days? Were Chan and Changbin aware that he was gone? 

If he cried there, at the bottom of the lake, no one would know.

..

_Jisung_

_Jisung?_

_Jisung?!_

After forever in the darkness, he heard voices. Someone was calling for him - he could hear his name far away, he felt the pull. He had thought through everything around his death so many times that he felt a bit lighter. Just a bit.

He had something to do on Earth, still. Or, rather, something to do in this place between the Earth and heavens. Purgatory - Minho had called it that. 

There could be something better waiting for him. Not endless darkness but rather something good, on the other side, heaven. Or, oblivion. That sounded scary, but whatever it was, it was inevitable. Just like his time alive, this time in between the worlds, was just temporary. He should do what he had to do. Sitting at the bottom of the lake was not just miserable and lonely, but also, being there meant that he was stuck. He wasn’t getting anywhere.

_Jisung_

He didn’t recognize the voice calling for him, but he knew it came from above the ice. So he got up and swam there.

Getting through the ice the second time was much easier, although it still felt weird as hell. The sky above him was black, filled with stars, so he knew that it was night time - or, it could be afternoon or morning. He didn’t know exactly how the days worked in this world. He had slept with - no, _beside_ \- Minho the first night so the people seemed to sleep during the nights, but it almost felt like it was night time all the time. It was so dark there.

That shouldn’t surprise him though.

Jisung looked around. The wind was gone. Who had been calling his name?

“Jisung!”, he heard hurried steps behind him. He was also sure that this voice belonged to Minho. He turned around to see the elder stop beside him on the ice.

“Hi, hyung”

“Where have you been?”

“Um, I went swimming”, Jisung gestured towards the lake under him. Minho blinked once, twice, and looked at him like he had gone mad.

“Why on earth would you do that?”

“I just needed to sort my thoughts. I didn’t know I’d worry you, I’m literally dead, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Minho sighed. “I just… You left so abruptly, I thought you would go haunt someone or cause a ruckus or something. No one wants that. Dead or not, I don’t want you to suffer any more than you already do”

Jisung stared at Minho for a while. Minho didn’t need to look after Jisung, but he still did. Who was this guy anyway, some guardian angel of the purgatory? He did have his own house after all. Or were they just there for anyone to conquer since souls came and went at a rapid speed, with no belongings of their own? Was Minho old? How long had he been there? Did he feel responsible over new spirits arriving, such as him and Jeongin - was that it? 

“So”, Minho continued after a while. “How are you feeling now?”

“Better, I guess”, Jisung shrugged. “I mean, it’s hard to get used to, but I guess it’s the same for everyone”

“Yeah. But it doesn’t make your pain any less valid”, Minho offered him his hand and Jisung took it, finally pulling himself on his feet. He could keep crying like a baby, or he could get himself together and do what he had to do. And he wasn’t alone.

Even when he was up, Minho didn’t let go of his hand.

“Come with me”, Minho smiled a little. “There’s someone I want you to meet”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I just finished a big project here and now I have more time to focus on this too - yay!

“But why cats? Can cats see the dead or something?”

“No living being can see the dead”, Minho answered, and petted Dori’s head. “They are lost souls, stuck here, just like us. Dead before their time. It’s weird to think that animals can have ties to the living world that forbid them from going forward like we do, but I guess in death we are all the same”

Minho moved to scratch from under Dori’s chin and the cat stretched its neck, satisfied. Jisung had tried to pet Soonie but the cat hadn’t been too into that, hissing at him. Minho had laughed and said that the cat was just shy, but Jisung didn’t want any ghost wounds so he stayed back.

Minho had dragged him to meet his pets, cats named Soonie and Dori. Apparently, there was a third one as well, Doongie, but it was nowhere to be seen. The three usually slept with Minho in his small house, and liked his company - that was why they were special to him. Like his family members in a way.

Jisung looked up to the trees, to the dark birds whose black feathers seemed to be shining in the moonlight. What could they have done in their life, what were they waiting for? Did they know how to look for it? Maybe they helped each other, just like humans did. But still, Jisung wondered, who had been the one who had started it all. Who had taught the first trapped soul?

“What do you think is on the other side?” Jisung asked. Dori got enough of the petting and stretched her back before walking away, to the forest where the other cat had disappeared moments before after Minho had introduced them to Jisung. Minho stood up and brushed his knees. His brown pants looked really old and his skin even more transparent than before, in the eerie night.

“I don’t know. It could be heaven, it could just be nothing at all.” He said. He looked after the dark-colored cat until it had disappeared into the shadows, and then turned to look at Jisung. “I don’t even really care anymore. Eternal life sounds exhausting to me now that I’ve been living it for decades, so I hope it’s something other than this. Something… lighter”

“How long have you been here, exactly?”

“I don’t know for sure. Each time I meet new people, they look and talk so differently and tell me about these new things I’ve never heard of before. It’s confusing”

Jisung tried to recall everything he had told Minho that the elder had reacted weirdly to. Internet, Halloween, smartphones... He looked at his haircut and simple clothing, but he was unable to place him in history. He couldn’t be… over a hundred years old, could he?

“Do you know that Korea is now separated into two countries?” He asked carefully. Minho rolled his eyes at that.

“Of course I know that, my father fought in the war - wait, they still are? Damn, I thought they would have fixed that already”

Okay, so he wasn’t ancient. Good, that calmed Jisung to some extent.

“Do you remember your birth year?”

“Sure. 1947. I don’t remember the exact year I died but I think I was 20, 21, or a little older.”

Oh, so he was older than Jisung’s parents. Older than his grandparents, even. Or not, since he had died at twenty and everything after that didn’t count. Jisung tried not to think about it, it felt so weird. Minho looked 20, so he would think of him as 20. Definitely older than him so hyung it was.

“Why is everyone so young here?” Jisung asked him.

“People who have lived long lives very rarely have reasons to stay for longer. Because they themselves, as well as people around them, have less trouble letting go. Less grudge. You met Hyunjin - he was murdered when he was only 19 and is basically still on a revenge mission. Someone dying in their sleep in their 90s is ready to go straight upstairs”

Jisung nodded. That made sense. 

At least something did. Jisung felt uneasy though, thinking that the chin bone-less Hyunjin who he had met by the fountain - someone had found him, looking like that. Someone had _killed_ him in a way that left him looking like that. Jisung touched his own chin unconsciously - it was hard to imagine the kind of rage that would end up in someone murdering a young guy like that. Nightmare stuff, definitely.

And he probably wasn’t even the worst case that Jisung would see in the village.

“Hyung, hyung, I found Doongie! She was lost in the valley!”

They turned around to see Jeongin hurrying to them with a light-colored cat in his arms. He looked so cute, his face set in concentration, trying to carry the cat as comfortably as he could.

“Aigoo, how many times do I have to tell you? Cats don’t get lost in these valleys”, Minho gently scolded the younger as he reached out to scratch behind Doongie’s ear. The cat looked satisfied and comfortable in Jeongin’s arms, not at all bothered by being carried around yet again. 

“But she looked so lost, she wouldn't stop meowing until I picked her up!” Jeongin kept insisting.

“You’re a devil, you hear me? Taking advantage of poor Jeongin”, Minho talked softly to the cat who only purred. The scene looked oddly domestic, and like it had happened many times before. Minho was cute, treating the cats and Jeongin so sweetly.

Wait, what? He shouldn’t think like that. They were dead. Since when have dead people been cute?

“Ah, hi Jisung! Did I interrupt something?” Jeongin smiled at Jisung so innocently, he didn’t even bother correcting him for leaving out the hyung. And really, who knew if he was actually older than Jisung? Stuck in time didn’t give you extra years but in the future, if Jisung was to meet other 00 liners or even younger people who just so happened to have lived longer than him, he couldn’t really imagine calling them hyung or noona. Or ahjussi. But if they looked older than him... Gosh, the whole thing seemed so absurd. Just like being dead and still conscious. In a purgatory that looked like the Halloween town from _The_ _Nightmare Before Christmas._

“We were just talking about death”, Minho explained, like it was the most basic topic of conversation around there. Maybe it was. It was the city of the dead after all - Jisung didn’t really remember talking about life in the living world though. Or had they talked about life? Did everything that the living people talk about have something to do with life? Was it just vice versa in the purgatory?

“And it just so happens that Jisung doesn’t remember how he died” 

“You don’t remember?” The cat finally got enough of the petting and she struggled in Jeongin’s hold until the younger opened his arms, and the cat jumped off. 

“And you do?”

“Yeah. I don’t think I could ever forget”

“Can I ask how…”

“Yeah. I was hit by a car on my way to school”, Jeongin answered. “It was… three years ago, I think? Time flows differently in here so it’s hard to tell”

Jeongin was wearing a school uniform so it made sense. Jisung only realized that now though. Jisung no longer paid any attention to what people were wearing, nor did he pay any attention to the time. It could be night or day, it could have been hours or days since he had died. He simply didn’t know. He didn’t have any ordinary human functions that could give him clues except for that he got tired - and even that was different. Time floated onwards like the mist through the forest, quietly and seamlessly.

Jeongin still had a small smile on his face, it never seemed to wash off. Even though he was literally talking about his own death. As tragic and sad as it sounded, Jisung had expected different kinds of deaths keeping people on earth - like, unsolved and brutal murders maybe, or people who died in pagan rituals or getting sacrificed or something. Hyunjin was a good example. Not just… traffic accidents.

Anyway. He didn’t say _I’m sorry to hear that_ or anything like that because he knew there was no point. No reason for that anymore. Instead, he voiced his concern.

“Do you know why you’re still here?”

“Most of us don’t know”, Minho answered instead. “That’s why we’re here in the first place. To look for it, and to set it straight. We can move on when we’re done.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure either”, Jeongin picked up Soonie, who had returned from the forest upon hearing the arrival of her friend. The cat had been rubbing Jeongin’s leg with its face, maybe to get comfort. Jeongin hugged the cat, and although the cat wasn’t very amused by it, it didn’t move. Even the animals were whipped for Jeongin. 

“But”, the youngest continued with a small voice. “I think it’s because of my mother”

“Ah okay”, Jisung didn’t know what that meant at all but he didn’t want to push Jeongin. He could ask him later, or maybe never and figure things out himself. Minho reached out to ruffle Jeongin’s hair gently and the younger leaned to the touch, like one of the cats. Soonie stayed still.

“My mother cried so much when I died”, Jeongin continued, his voice steadier already. “She cried for so long and she still does. I was her only child. I think a part of the reason why I’m still here is that… because she can’t let go”

 _A heavy heart can’t go on._ Jisung remembered when his other grandma had died. He had only been eight years old then, but he remembered the phrases that were thrown around - _“Don’t cry, granny wouldn’t want that”, “She lived a good life and her time came. There’s no need to be sad”, “Don’t waste your tears for someone who’s gone”_

That was when he had learned to respect the heavens. They chose what was best for people when their time came. His granny had been very old, so it was fairly easy to accept that.

But Jeongin had been so young. By the looks of it, barely sixteen. When people so young had to die, it was hard to accept that maybe there could be a reason for that. Because how could there be? Why were there people who lived in lies and did crimes until they hit seventy, but good kids died before even getting a chance to live? And it wasn't like their time had come either - they were stuck in purgatory because it obviously _hadn't_ been their time yet!

That made Jisung sad. Angry. He couldn’t even imagine the pain that Jeongin’s mother must still be going through.

“I just hope she would stop crying”, Jeongin continued, half of his face still buried in Soonie’s fur. He looked sad, but something in his expression told Jisung that this was something he had gotten used to, already. “I want her to be happy again, and not waste her life crying over me. Maybe then I could finally move on - we both could. But I could never blame her for this, ever”

…

Jisung kept going through that in his head again and again and again. Even after he and Minho laid down to sleep again, he couldn’t close his eyes and let go of the thoughts he had been sure he had been through already.

Pain. The pain was heavy. Painful memories locked souls on the ground.

Minho was sleeping peacefully, and Jisung eyed him. It was such a weird thing, the need to sleep. Because that was the only bodily function that still had to be taken care of. Jisung didn’t need to eat or use the bathroom, he didn’t feel the need to change his clothes, he didn’t sweat, he didn’t need to wash himself. He just was, he existed. And he got tired.

Minho had tried to explain that to him as well, after Jeongin had left to go to the living world again. Jeongin went there nearly every day, to look after his mother. Jisung couldn’t imagine what it would be like - he would never be able to do that. Minho had said that he could go over the ice to see the living world too, but Jisung hadn’t wanted to. He knew that the people he had known would be shocked. Sad. He felt that sadness already, there was no reason to see it with his own eyes.

It might be the key to his death though, going back. He would have to do that at some point. But not yet.

Right now, he spent his time staring at Minho. According to the older, the mind or soul (however their existence was called) could still get tired. The soul could get tired and sad, the emotions they felt still touched them in a way that made them feel tired. They didn’t need eight hours (or more) like living humans did but tiredness was still something that gave a pace for their days.

They were just lost souls now. Minho was an older soul in the village, who shared his bed with Jisung because Jisung was lost. He promised Jisung that he could stay with him, in his small house, for as long as he needed. He was caring in that way, unselfish. 

In the darkness, he looked almost real. He was real to Jisung, in the reality they lived in, but they were both only ghosts of what they had been as humans. See-through, hollow, locked in place. It was such an evil thing, the system of purgatory, that didn’t let them go forward but instead forced them to dwell in their pasts for, possibly, years. However, as Jisung brushed a stray strand of hair from Minho’s face, he didn’t feel bitter anymore. Because at least they didn't have to be alone.

He would have to do the best he could with what he had.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! I hope you're all doing well!

They fell into a routine. It was so easy, Minho had found himself a meaning from the purgatory, the city of the dead. Minho took care of clueless human souls like Jisung and Jeongin, but he mainly focused on animals.

Jisung followed Minho around as he greeted the animals, talked to the birds and cats, some dogs followed them around as well and Jisung threw sticks to them - they were the only animals he seemed to be good at handling. He liked dogs more anyway. Minho laughed at him as he got buried under a bundle of excited puppies that kept trying to lick his face.

Okay, maybe he couldn’t control dogs either. But at least they liked him. And ghost spit wasn’t nearly as disgusting as the real thing, he hugged the dogs happy and let them play.

Minho, Jisung learned, was one of the few who didn’t exactly wander around. He had a daily routine (as much as one could have without exactly knowing when one day changed into another) and he had a place he could call his own. The small cottage at the outskirts of the town and the three cats that behaved like his pets were like a small illusion of a home. 

Maybe it was because Minho had been there for so long, that he had decided to settle down. Wandering around the forests didn’t sound that appealing to Jisung either. That was also why he spent so much time with Minho - the older provided him with a routine and meaning. And maybe he also liked the way that Minho’s eyes disappeared when he smiled widely, and how his voice sounded when he talked to the animals he cared so much about, and the way he looked at Jisung and took care of him as well.

Maybe.

And Minho didn’t kick him out so that was really great as well.

It was hard to tell the time exactly, but Jisung felt like the forest was getting darker and colder. 

Jeongin spent more and more time with them when endless darkness settled over the forest. They burned candles and talked about their past lives and the things they liked and everything and nothing at the same time. When it came to pop culture, it was the easiest to talk to Jeongin because he had lived in the same time-period as Jisung, grown up during the same fads as him. Jeongin asked Jisung lots and lots of questions about the current state of the world, and more often than not, Jisung had to give him bad news (yeah, Sistar and 2NE1 have disbanded, and no, Luhan never returned to EXO). Although Minho was often very lost with their discussions, he was eager to learn and Jisung happily explained many new inventions and trends to him.

Jeongin still visited the living world quite often though. Even after the endless darkness had come, he still went every few days. He went to see his mother. Jisung couldn’t even begin to fathom what it must be like, seeing your mother cry every day because of you and being unable to do anything about it. Jisung didn’t want to go back to see the living world for that particular reason. However, Jeongin did, and he was still able to smile when he came back.

There were still many things that Jisung didn’t understand. And that was one of them.

Minho, on the other hand, didn’t like leaving the forest. The forest spread far and wide but Jisung concluded finally that it really was an island. A huge island, but an island nevertheless. The water surrounding it could be anything, a sea or a lake, or just water of another reality altogether. Getting over it was tough, people used old boats that Jisung could imagine the dead moving with. They were old, and some souls were working as ferrymen, rowing the boats slowly into the mist. When the ice started melting slowly, there was almost always mist hovering over the water, blocking the view to the other side.

Jisung started to slowly understand the concept of Halloween. That was when getting over to the other side got easier because of the ice, so more souls were moving back and forth. However, that wasn’t the only time they did that - the souls moved during the whole year, only slowing down when the ice melted. That was when the ferrymen got to work and performed the traditional “getting to the other side” act, guiding souls back and forth in their boats.

The ferrymen weren’t exactly what Jisung had imagined them being either. He met a few of them at the shore, and although some of them were old men and beautiful women with long black hair and damaged faces, there was also a guy called Felix who had a baby face and a cute smile.

“When I pull my hood over my face, I fit the stereotype since my voice is so low”, he explained as he rowed the boat gently to the shore one night. He was only bringing back Jeongin this time - no one new, no one old. There were just enough gaps in the ice so that he could still do that - the "rowing season would end very soon though. “But I guess my face is useful sometimes as well. Calming people down, especially the very young ones”

Jisung went swimming a few more times. When the air got a bit brighter, the dark clouds turned whiter, he saw more in the clear water. When he asked Felix why the souls didn’t just swim over to the other side, he raised his eyebrows.

“I guess most of them just haven’t even thought about it”, he said. “But the water is different when you get into the mist. Wilder, more dangerous, filled with vengeful spirits and demons of the underworld. I think people just don’t want to take that risk, to get eaten by one of them or something. Also, they find swimming uncomfortable.”

Jisung swam, played with dogs, and got to know more of the souls on the island. The guy who had first greeted him upon arriving was called Seungmin. They were similar in age, as Seungmin had also died only a few years prior. But he had died of an illness. He liked to spend his time sitting by the shore, looking far into the horizon (or, a horizon covered by mist) and lighting lanterns.

“They helped you reach this place, didn’t they?”, he explained when Jisung asked him about them. “When I died, I was lost in the woods for so long, I had no light to guide me and I was so scared. I don’t want anyone else to go through that.”

He saw Hyunjin a couple more times as well, at the shore. Weirdly enough, he got used to his scary-ass face - he was dead anyway, what did he have to fear? That knowledge was freeing in such a weird way, and he found himself climbing trees and diving deep, feeling free with no fear. However, he never went to the other shore, neither did he swim into the mist. He didn’t know what these demons were that people were talking about, but he didn’t want to see them. He stayed on the island or at least close to it, never making his way to the living world.

He didn’t feel like he was ready to do that yet. He had found sleeping next to Minho and exploring his new strengths with no fear of consequences quite fun, he wasn’t in a hurry to move on.

“We’re going to have a clear night”, Minho announced as he came back to the cabin. He ran around the island as Jisung kept napping, it was a good arrangement since Jisung still needed more sleep than Minho. Dori liked to sleep under the blanket curled next to Jisung, but now that Minho arrived, it crawled out from there to see its caretaker. Minho picked it up and greeted it with his cute high voice that was saved only for the cats. 

“Starry night, huh?”, Jisung got up and run his hand through his hair to clear the mess that it was. “Should we go watch the stars or something?”

It had been cloudy for so long that being able to see the stars now sounded awesome. The starry sky over the city of the dead was always breathtaking, Jisung didn’t think he would ever get tired of watching it.

“Sure, if you want to”, Minho hugged the cat against himself as he walked to the bed and sat next to Jisung on it. There was nothing sexual or weird about them sharing a bed. It wasn’t like ghosts could have sex anyway - or, wait, could they? There was no blood circulating their ghostly bodies, however, they could cry and drool almost normally so maybe-

Jisung, NO, don’t go there NO

“Yeah”, he said and got up from under the covers. The existence of some physical items was yet another thing that he couldn’t fully understand. Minho had explained to him that nothing can be brought from the living world, however, the souls were able to build stuff out of everything growing on the island, such as trees. Because every living thing in there had come there in the same way and could be used.

How could a tree sin so much that it got thrown into a purgatory after its death?? A tree?? And someone had decided to make that tree into a house, or, a bed - was Jisung sleeping on a tree soul trapped in a purgatory??? And what happened once the tree figure out its past sins - did it just vanish into this air and boom they were just missing one wall of the house??

Yeah, he tried not to go there.

“Let’s go”

The walk to the shore was short, and Dori followed them halfway until it got distracted, chasing a bird. Minho and Jisung enjoyed the quietness of the forest, walking side by side, and once the clear sky came to sight, Jisung ran the rest of the way through the forest to see it in all its glory.

“Woah, hyung”, he gasped. “We can see planets now, it’s so clear!”

“Told you”, Minho answered and followed him. But even he let out a small gasp.

The sky was so full of stars, dark purple and blue and black, it looked like one of those million times edited desktop wallpapers except that it was real and he was living under its beauty. Or, it wasn’t exactly real and he wasn’t exactly alive but he felt the night air in his lungs and felt alive for the first time in a long time.

In a weird way.

“It hasn’t been this bright in a few years”, Minho said. Jisung eyed the water that was now almost completely free of all ice. The spring must have arrived in the living world.

“Why does the weather change so much here?” he asked, as though Minho knew the answer to everything. He did know it for quite many things.

“I don’t know, really”, but not to everything. “No one can understand the heavens”

Jisung nodded. The dark, still water reflected the stars like a mirror. It looked like stepping in there would lead them to another reality. Jisung dipped his foot into the water - as always, it felt cold but not uncomfortable the slightest, also, the wetness disappeared the moment he lifted his foot.

“Hyung, wanna go swimming?”

“Me?” Minho pointed at himself as though there was another hyung that Jisung could be talking to. There was no one else at this particular beach, except for them. 

“Yeah! Have you ever tried it?”

“No. Not really, no.”

“Then come on, it’s fun!” Jisung grabbed his hands but Minho pushed the brakes immediately.

“I- I never learned to swim, Jisung!”

“Oh that’s not a problem - it’s impossible to drown here!”

“But what if there is something dangerous in the water?” 

“There isn’t, I’ve never met anything dangerous here. Come on, hyung, let’s try!”

Minho seemed to be thinking about it furiously. Winning over fears was amazing, Jisung knew that, and he wanted Minho to experience the same. The elder had been on the island for dozens of years, it was about the time he tried something new! He had no reason to worry, especially now that Jisung was with him.

Jisung noticed a rock a few meters away from them. He knew that the water here was deep and really, even if they hit the bottom, they would be alright. They couldn’t die twice, it was impossible. So, as Minho was still trying to decide whether to trust Jisung or not, Jisung took advantage of his undecided state and pulled him towards the rock.

“Let’s climb on this!” He said and placed his hands on the rock to check if they could climb it. Yup, it was broken and uneven enough, he grabbed it with his hands and started climbing. 

“Oh god”, Minho sighed, his voice afraid, but he followed Jisung nevertheless. Jisung had never seen the older scared like this before, but that didn’t take away how much he still admired him. Instead, it just added to it as he saw how the older still followed him, ready to face his fears. For Jisung, it was just swimming, but Minho had grown up not knowing how to deal with the waters, fearing them. This was a huge step to him, even bigger than Jisung could really understand.

“Alright, we’re going to have to run and jump”, Jisung said once they were on top. It wasn’t that high, three meters from the surface of the water at most, but Minho was almost trembling beside him.

“Agh, why do we have to do this the hard way?” he asked and grabbed Jisung’s arm strongly. 

“Because that is the best way to tackle your fears!"

“I don’t need to tackle them, I’m already dead”

“But you could learn to love swimming. Get another activity! Wouldn’t it be worth trying?”

Minho didn’t say anything. Instead, he squeezed Jisung’s hand harder.

“Okay”, Jisung said. “Do you want to go first or-”

“You’re _not_ leaving me to jump alone”, Minho retorted from between his teeth and Jisung watched him, amused.

“Okay, let’s do it at the same time then”

Minho refused to let go of his arm. Although normally, Jisung would have recommended not holding on to another person while hitting the water, he didn’t really care now. What was the worst thing that could happen? They could sink to the bottom and stay there for a while. There was no fear whatsoever.

So, he just counted down from three and they ran and jumped.

Minho's grip loosened as they hit the water but once they were underwater, he found Jisung again and didn’t let go. It took a few seconds for their eyes to get used to the sudden darkness, but soon enough they could see each other again. Minho had stored so much air in his cheeks, he looked adorable. But also scared as hell. Jisung tried his best to coach him to just breathe, because they could do that in the water, and once the older realized that there was no reason for him to hold his breath, he relaxed a little.

They couldn’t exactly talk underwater, but their silent conversation went something like this:

_See? It’s not that bad!_

_What is this? Why can I breathe? Why does this feel so weird??_

_I don’t know, hyung, but it’s nice, isn’t it? Come on, I’ll show you how to swim! Let go-_

_NO_

Swimming with only one free hand and the weight of another person clinging to him was not the most convenient way to move, and Jisung was pretty sure that had he been alive, they would have both drowned. Luckily, they weren’t. They moved around slowly, and Minho let go a bit to try on his own but then a shoal of fish swam past them and he grabbed Jisung’s arm again, unwilling to let go. 

Jisung couldn’t say that he minded, not really.

The older looked around with an expression that had fear, confusion, curiosity, and fascination mixed in there. Jisung felt the weird kind of pride knowing that he had been able to show him something new. Something fascinating and beautiful, the waters surrounding the city of the dead. Maybe, once the older moved on, he could remember him as the one who gave him a nice experience.

Maybe.

Once they had been underwater for a while, and Jisung had shown Minho around the best he could, they returned to the shore. Jisung showed Minho how to speed up so that he could get to the surface with power, almost fly like the dolphins. 

Jisung came to the surface first, and fell on the sand, his back against the soft and wet surface. His ghost body suddenly felt so heavy, he needed some time to adjust to the difference. Minho quickly followed, falling on top of him. Minho hugged him so tightly that Jisung couldn’t breathe - thank god he didn’t need to anymore.

“You’re crazy. You’re absolutely batshit crazy Han Jisung, oh god”, Minho’s voice was aggressive but it was still shaking. Jisung didn’t dare chuckle under him, but the older was making it so unnecessarily dramatic.

Minho looked up to him and it was only then that Jisung realized just how close they were. Their faces were just a few centimeters away from each other. Minho had thick eyelashes and beautiful eyes, Jisung pointed out. His pupils were blown, he was panting and he looked so beautiful. If he leaned just a bit closer...

Minho laid his face back down, against Jisung’s shoulder. He chuckled, and finally loosened his grip on him, letting both Jisung’s lungs and his arms free. Jisung used that opportunity to take a deep breath and wrap his arms around Minho, to keep him there, against him, possibly forever.

“I can’t believe I just did that”, Minho laughed, and Jisung joined him. The stars behind Minho were so bright, Jisung could see all the way to the milky way. Lying there, on the sand, not feeling cold but instead warmer than he had ever been, his arms filled with a person he cared so much about...

Were spirits supposed to be happy in a purgatory? Wasn’t the meaning of purgatory the complete opposite? Well, Jisung didn’t care. Because right there, under the starry sky that was millions of years old, he felt content and calm. Happy.

And for a short while, he wasn’t in a hurry to get anywhere.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I know, I update rarely and my chapters are really short. I don't know what happened - this story is just very hard for me to write and it never seems to turn out the way I want it to so I never update. But I'm going to try better again, to keep this moving. Thank you for everyone who has shown me support. It means so much to me.

_ In Catholic Christian tales, a purgatory is a place where people go to purify their souls before they can go to heaven. In the Middle Ages, people believed that in the purgatory everyone was forced to burn away their sins by being set on fire. The amount and awfulness of the sins committed during their lifetimes determined the time spent on fire and of course, the whole time was pure agony and suffering - payback time. The relatives and friends of the people who died could lessen the time of the soul in there, by praying. Everyone suffered before getting to heaven because everyone sinned. _

_ Other cultures believe in this in-between state too. Not necessarily suffering, but ghosts and spirits are present in many stories and folk tales, and they keep an eye on the living, in both good and bad. Sometimes, people are trapped to wander on earth in various forms because of the injustice done to them. The earliest tales of vampires were based on this view too - the creatures of the night were laid to rest, but the anger and resentment, bitterness in their hearts woke them up again, as something demonic. _

_ As religion started losing its power, and it became a lesser and lesser part of people’s lives in the Western countries, a clear view of what people would face after their deaths were lost. Some say that as people are just organic creatures, as their brains die, their consciousness will disappear. Everything that they were will disappear, as everything that they ever were was just grease, cells, and meat. However, unexplainable things keep happening and the presence of those who lived still seems to remain. _

_ Even for those who believe in nothing more than what they can see, and claim to know how the universe works… the dead seem to show their presence. Now and then, in the darkness or as a warm feeling of safeness, they might be reminding us that they’re still here. In ways that we cannot understand. We can just feel. _

_... _

“Once someone resolves what they have to, what happens to them? Do they just vanish?”

Minho looked up from where he had been fixing the curtain. Jeongin had ripped it by accident - the boy had been scared by a squirrel jumping on the window so he had fallen while holding the curtain. A bitchy move from the animal. 

"If they so please then yes", he answered. "Most do because suddenly, they’re just free from the chains that keep them in the purgatory. Once the heavy weight is gone, they can choose to stay or just leave. They don't usually have many reasons to stay" 

Jisung would have. He wouldn’t want to leave Minho or Jeongin behind just like that, he valued the friendships that he had formed. He would at least want to say goodbye, or maybe even wait with him, if he could. He could move on later, he had the whole eternity to do that.

Then again, he didn’t know what it would be like, to be free of this chain - whatever it was, that kept him down. Maybe breaking free would be so good, that he would just forget about the other souls and just hurry to the other side. Then again, maybe some feared moving on so much that they didn’t want to do it. 

“Alright, all done”, Minho lifted the curtain and Jisung eyed it with wonder. It looked as good as new, no signs of the rip anywhere. 

“Woah, you’re so good”, Jisung said because really, he wouldn’t know what to do at all.

“It’s just practice”, Minho said and stood up to put it up. “I get a lot of it with Jeongin, he is a very clumsy, poor kid.”

...

Jisung and Minho walked around the huge island, to places where even Minho had never been before. And he knew the island pretty well so Jisung had to use his imagination to find some unexplored places.

So, he had to look up, further. And down, below the surface. And sometimes, more often than not, Minho had to be dragged from his usual path to do something more exciting but Jisung was persistent. Exploring was so much more fun with someone, and as Jeongin was often away and the only other friends that Jisung had made in the village had some sort of jobs to do (guiding a boat and lighting lanterns) Minho was his only option. The cats followed them on their adventures curiously and the dogs were happy that they did something different for a change.

“It’s easy! Just swing yourself on top of it!”

“I’m bad at this, Jisung, let’s not do this”, Minho looked uncomfortable as Jisung tried to encourage him to climb the tree after him. The pine trees of the forest grew in such a weird way, they had branches very far down too so climbing them was child’s play.

“Come on, didn’t you climb trees as a child?”

“No, I studied and worked on the field”, Minho complained but Jisung wasn’t letting him off that easily. Generally, it wasn’t good to push people but, it had proven itself being a good tactic with Minho. They had gone swimming a few more times and every time, Minho had relaxed a bit more. Same with their other adventures - he still came every time despite knowing that Jisung would force him to do something dangerous. It was so cool, to do something he had never done before, to reach his limits and go beyond them with no fear of hurting himself - Jisung wanted Minho to feel it too.

Minho was capable of so many more things than he believed he was. Right now even though he had said that he couldn’t, he grabbed the branch and pulled himself on top of it with no problem at all.

“See? I knew you could do it!” Jisung smiled from where he had already climbed to, a few branches away. “Now, do that again, and again, like you were climbing a ladder”

“Uhh no, I can’t, I fear heights”, Minho looked like he could throw up - luckily, that was something he couldn’t do anymore. Just like he couldn’t die no matter how high he fell. So.

“You have nothing to fear”, Jisung groaned as he pulled himself on another branch. This particular one was on the thinner side so, as he got on it, it snapped in half and Jisung fell - but not too far. He managed to grab a branch only a bit higher than where Minho currently was.

“Oops”, he said and he pulled himself up again. “But see, what’s the worst thing that could happen? Come on, I want to get high up, to see the view!”

Minho needed a lot of coaching but eventually, they were both high enough that they could see over most of the trees on the island. And, onto the lake, sea, whatever the water area was. The ice had melted completely but the mist remained. It almost felt like Jisung could see over the mist, to a land somewhere far, far away. Felix was returning with his boat - his signature one had multiple lanterns on each side, all made by Seungmin, so it was easy to spot. Other than that, it was pretty dark.

“See, it’s pretty up here. Just like I said it would be”, Jisung said to Minho who was standing next to him, hugging the tree trunk but not shaking anymore. It was cloudy tonight as well, but he still looked transparent. Almost like he was shining in some weird, ghost-like way. But to Jisung, he was always shining. 

“Yeah, I guess”

“It’s like straight from Twilight or something"

“What’s that?” 

Minho asked that question often. And it was kind of cute, how his eyes lit up as Jisung explained stuff he had never heard of before. Future stuff. Jisung could imagine being just as confused if he met someone from… 2070, talking to him about the new inventions and the fourth world war or something.

Yeah, fourth, not third. Jisung was a realist.

“Uh, that’s a movie franchise. About a girl who falls in love with a vampire. The guy wants to kill her so badly, and the girl is so obsessed she basically can’t function without him and then there are werewolves and vampire royalty and epic fights too and then at the end they have a half vampire half human child too but, like, in the movie they climb trees and stuff and the setting kinda looks like this”

“Sounds like… Sounds like something that my father wouldn't have let me read”

"Why?" Jisung couldn't say he had read the books but he didn't think it was that hardcore. Minho had mentioned his father before though, and he sounded like a ridiculously strict tyrant. 

But, he had raised Minho in the 1940s so. 

"Because that sounds very… Sinful" 

“Does sin exist in a purgatory?” Jisung asked without thinking first. He sat down on the branch and Minho followed, there wasn’t a lot of space so their thighs were touching. It had just been a silly, light question thrown in the misty, cold night air but Minho seemed to be seriously going through it in his head.

“I mean”, Jisung continued. “Because we’re dead and all. It wouldn’t be fair if we were judged now, would it?”

“Yeah, I guess so”, Minho finally said. “I don’t think I’ve heard of a religion that places judgment after death”

“So, it means we’re free to do whatever we want to, here”, Jisung concluded. Minho turned to look at him in the eyes, and it seemed like his eyes were black in the night. So deep, Jisung couldn’t even see his own reflection on them anymore. Minho was so close to him, they were all alone in the air, surrounded by only a forest of lost souls and an endless white mist. No witnesses, no judges, nothing.

Just emptiness. And the two of them.

“I’ve never thought of it like that before”, It was almost as though Minho was whispering, as his voice was a lot lower and quieter. The quietness around them commanded them to respect it - blend into the night air as the lost spirits that they were.

“Well, now that you have”, Jisung started. “What would you do? Is there anything you’ve wanted to do but haven’t, because you’ve thought that it’s… wrong in some way?”

“Oh, there are many”, Minho sighed. “There’s a monster inside each and every one of us”

“A monster”, Jisung repeated and the night seemed to echo the word right back into his ear. “Not everything that’s considered a sin is evil. Right?”

“Yeah, not everything”, Minho answered. He was so close, Jisung could almost feel his breath on his face. The cold air tickled his lips and made him lose all feeling of time and space. “Not evil at all”

Maybe it was because Jisung was focusing on his lips too much. Maybe it was because Minho leaned closer and he leaned on the branch that he was sitting at with too much force or maybe it was just because he forgot where he was. Because, suddenly, he lost his balance and fell.

It wasn’t like he could die or anything, but he couldn’t remember that right away. He fell at least twenty meters and hit the forest floor with a loud thump. It wasn’t painful, but the little air he had had in his lungs got knocked out of them.

“Jisung?!” Minho screamed from so high up that Jisung couldn’t even see him. He tried to get his phantom lungs to work again - what the hell, how could this even happen? He felt like he had been pumped full of adrenaline, but it wasn’t just because of the fall. Had he still had a heart, it would have been bumping like crazy now.

Or not bumping at all. A fall from that high up would have resulted in him dying with pretty high certainty.

“Jisung are you okay?”

“Ye- yeah!” Jisung managed to get enough air in to answer, and he sat up. That had been crazy… but fun too. Minho came down the tree as quickly as he could, while being as careful as he possibly could, and Jisung eyed him as he came down.

“You could just jump, hyung, it doesn’t hurt at all”

“No!” he screamed and Jisung chuckled. What a hard-headed old spirit he was.

A spirit that managed to make Jisung flustered and out of breath after death, too. That was… crazy.

…

Nothing really changed… but at the same time, everything changed. They spent their time in a similar manner after that incident but Jisung couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander. Whenever they laid down to sleep after that, he stayed awake with his thoughts and couldn’t get peace for his mind for a single moment. 

Minho was an old spirit. Older than his parents, grandparents even. But at the same time, he wasn’t. He was a young guy in his twenties, he had grown up in a different time but he was very similar to Jisung’s friends. He had never grown old. Jisung had never grown old.

He was handsome and charming and as Jisung listened to his breathing late at night, as shadows filled the room and the cats had also fallen asleep on the bed with them, he couldn’t help but think about him. Them. They were dead but still, in some weird way, he felt like he liked Minho in the way that he had liked guys when he had been alive.

It was a sin. He had always been taught to think that it was wrong. That him liking… men… was going to be the big, unforgivable sin that was going to push his soul through the gates of hell. He had never told anyone, he had never acted on his desires, he had never let his heart choose. But now, his heart had stopped and turned cold, probably burned into ash. And still, he felt it in his soul - the familiar feeling of falling for someone he shouldn’t. Of wanting something that he couldn’t have.

But he was dead, so the mortal laws no longer applied to him and he wasn't in hell yet so… He had seen the way Minho looked at him when he thought Jisung wouldn’t notice. The way that the older sometimes touched him as he passed him, or the way he always followed him to do things he otherwise wouldn’t. It could be a coincidence, Minho was known to be caring and affectionate towards lost souls in the city but… but…

Jisung felt like there could be something more in there.

If only they weren’t dead.

But.

They  _ were _ dead. No one was going to point fingers and call them disgusting names anymore. At least they would have no reason to do that. Because it wasn’t like they could have a life together anymore, of course not. But in the meantime, while they were waiting to be forgotten in the living world… What was the harm in finding comfort in each other? 

Dori got up again, from where she had been sleeping at Jisung's feet. The cat walked closer to Jisung’s head and pushed it with her own. Jisung smiled a little and patted her head until she curled right next to him. The smallest cat had been very melancholic and needed much more petting and affection now. It was the same for Doongie who usually shied away from too much affection.

The reason for that was probably Soonie’s disappearance.

It was usual for the cats to go and be away for a few days. However, it had been over a week since anyone had spotted the biggest cat of the trio, and since the other two cats had been so down, Jisung could only come up with one explanation.

The cat was gone. It had moved on.

However, the other two couldn’t understand it. For them, their friend was just gone and their world was incomplete now.

Sometimes Jisung wondered whether the cats knew that they were dead at all. If they knew what death was. Animals must know that something was up when they saw corpses, but everything after that was a mystery to them. Just like it was for humans - humans had just come up with stories to calm their minds. Maybe some of them were more true than others, who knows?

Jisung didn’t. He was just a lost soul in purgatory.

A lost soul that was falling for another dead soul. Someone that could disappear any moment, just like Soonie had. 

Dori curled against Jisung and he hugged the cat closer. In the darkness of the night, the two of them kept each other company. Both of their hearts too heavy to leave the weight of their past lives behind... and both of their minds misty and unsure, sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> agh the next chapter is going to be a good one, I'm sure
> 
> That's everyone, take care!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your support!

“Minho hyung! Jisung! Wake up!!” 

Someone kept banging on the door, waking the two men as well as the two cats from their sleep. Jisung got up so fast, he tripped over his feet and fell on the floor.

“What the hell?” He whined as Minho walked past him to open the door. It wasn’t like he could hurt himself so he was okay. The cats stared at him from the bed like he was some sort of a circus act.

Oh, he felt like that sometimes.

“Yongbok, what’s going on?” Minho asked as the door opened. The man on the other side, Felix, still had his hand in a fist, ready to continue knocking. He was wearing his usual cloak, only the hood was down and his messy hair and startled face were on full display.

“Seungminnie”, he said. “Seungminnie figured everything out!” 

Jisung got up from the floor. Seungmin too? Everything was happening so fast, he didn’t know how to react - first Soonie, now Seungmin?

He couldn’t see Minho’s face, but it looked like his shoulders tensed.

“Is he still here?” He asked Felix and the boy nodded multiple times.

“He is at the shore. He told me to hurry, he doesn’t know how long he can stay”

That was when Minho finally turned towards Jisung. This couldn’t be the first time that a soul had left the village - that a soul that Minho had known had left the village. He had been there for decades after all. So, his face was mostly blank. But his voice gave his sadness away.

“Let’s go say goodbye, shall we?”

…

“Please say goodbye to Jeongin for me. Tell him that I’m sorry that I couldn’t wait”

“We will”, Jisung felt tears on his cheeks as he hugged Seungmin. It felt surprisingly normal - Seungmin wasn’t shining brighter, neither did he feel warmer or less solid or anything like that. It was just a feeling that none of them could explain, something that told them that his time had come.

When Jisung stepped back, it was Minho's turn to hug him. Felix was crying too, Jisung patted his back and pulled him in a hug too. Felix and Seungmin had been very close, as they had both spent most of their time at the shore. Felix felt so fragile as he sobbed against Jisung’s chest. 

“Take care of my lanterns”, Seungmin said to Minho, quietly. 

“Of course”, Minho answered. “As long as I can”

Seungmin was smiling as usual. He always smiled. And Minho smiled back, although he was sad. Minho knew basically everyone in the village - it wasn’t that big, so Jisung was pretty sure that there had to be other villages like this somewhere else too. Other places for the purgatory. 

Jisung knew that they would never be able to take care of the lanterns as well as Seungmin. But they could try. Maybe they could recruit everyone in the village to take care of one - that way, it would become all of their project. All of their responsibility to take care of the lost souls. Wasn't that the least they could do while they were there?

“We should go. The winds will change soon”

They all turned to look at an old lady who had been standing next to the side of the forest until now. Jisung had never seen her before, but just by looking at her face, he knew immediately who she was.

“Yes, grandmother”, Seungmin answered politely and stepped away from the others. “So, I guess this is it. You guys, be careful, okay? We’ll meet each other again, I’m sure”

“Goodbye Seungmin!”

“Bye, Min!”

“B- bye S- Seungmin!”

“Aw Felix”, Seungmin smiled sadly as his grandmother stepped beside him. “You’ve done so well. I’m sure they’ll let you go soon as well. And I promise we’ll meet on the other side”

“If it’s up to you”, his grandmother said and linked her arm with Seungmin’s. She must have died recently, and instead of heading right up, she had made a detour by the city of the dead, to get her grandson. Or something like that. Felix had tried to explain it on the way but he had already been stumbling with his words, unable to focus.

“If it’s up to me”, Seungmin’s smile disappeared for a second but it came back soon. “Alright. Goodbye!”

And with that, they went.

...

Going back to the cabin afterward… Jisung didn’t know what to think. How to feel. He walked close to Minho, so close that their hands kept brushing against each other every now and then. Minho was so quiet and deep in his own thoughts, Jisung doubted he even noticed.

He took the older’s hand and squeezed it a little. Minho looked up and smiled, but it was a fake smile if Jisung had ever seen one. But he tried. He tried to be strong and not worry Jisung.

Of course, he was allowed to be sad. He had known Seungmin for a while. They were dead already but still, they got attached to each other, and losing them hurt. As Jisung kept holding Minho’s hand, the fear of losing him got even worse.

Either of them could be gone at any time. Any time at all. Seungmin had been in a hurry - maybe they wouldn’t be left with lots of time to spare either. Maybe they would just disappear. One morning, Jisung might just wake up in an empty house, and then he would forever live in regret.

He might regret doing something about it too. He might regret that even more. But there was this tiny chance that Minho might answer his feelings. And that small chance made Jisung’s stone heart feel lighter and happier.

All these thoughts surrounded his heart because Seungmin moved on. How… how selfish of him, really, to think of Minho when poor Felix was probably crying his eyes out, rowing those boats. Or when Jeongin didn’t even know that he was gone yet. Or… Or… 

“Do you still feel tired?” Minho asked Jisung as they stepped inside the cabin. 

“I don’t know”, Jisung answered honestly. He felt tired in a way, but he doubted he would be able to sleep. There was too much going on in his head at the moment. “I just feel… I feel weird”

“It’s understandable”, Minho answered. “It never really gets easier, losing people. In a way, you feel sad because they go, but it’s a selfish kind of sadness. Moving on is the best thing that could happen to us all”

“But it feels like another death”, Jisung laid on the bed on his side. Minho sat by the table. “He is just gone now. Totally gone. Who knows where he went. There might not even be heaven, maybe there’s just darkness. Eternal darkness”

Minho hugged his knees. He didn’t say anything, maybe because he didn’t know what to say. What would help. 

Because no one knew. They were lost, they were stuck, waiting for the day that the winds would be favorable for them too.

…

At some point, Jisung must have fallen asleep. Once he woke up, his eyes felt swollen, so he must have cried in his sleep - wouldn’t be the first time. Sadness and fear never left his dreams, even when he was dead. The small room felt suffocating, he wanted to go out.

Maybe to let something out too. Say something… dangerous. He felt exhausted, keeping all those thoughts and feelings inside all the time.

“Could we go out?” He asked quietly, and Minho looked up from his knitting work. 

“Sure”, he answered. “Where do you want to go?”

_Anywhere._

_For as long as I can be with you._

They walked past the shore where they had gone swimming the first time. There was no ice left, hadn’t been for a while, just dark water reflecting the cloudy sky. Jisung dipped his foot in the water - it felt so cold today, for some reason. Unpleasant. 

They walked into the forest, where they had gone climbing. Where he had fallen off the tree. The ground looked hard as ever, the few fallen leaves making it interesting to walk on. It felt like endless autumn had surrounded the village, the leaves were wet today because of the intense mist surrounding the forest. Was it morning, then?

Jisung touched the tree. It was a pine tree, some of the bark had peeled off and the soft insides of the tree could be seen. Jisung touched it carefully.

“Remember, back at school”, Jisung started and hoped that Minho would understand. “We used to engrave our names into these. Like, there were so many trees near my school that were filled with names. I didn’t know most of the names, they were just upperclassmen who had left way before I had even started there”

“That’s not a nice thing to do for a tree”, Minho said quietly. “But I remember, we used to do that too. And the trees healed, slowly”

“Yeah, it wasn’t that bad of a thing to do”, Jisung pressed his nail against the tree. It was so soft, he could almost carve something there with his bare hands alone. “It was a nice thing, to have a piece of yourself left behind. Even if it was just your initials”

“In a way, yeah”, Minho answered. Jisung turned to him.

“Did you bring a knife?” He asked. Minho had a nice knife in his house, for woodwork. He dug it from his pocket and handed it to Jisung, who placed it against the soft tree.

_Sorry, tree._

There might be a sign left of him, of all of them, in the living world. But, there was none in the purgatory. And that was a shame - he had formed friendships in the purgatory, he had done things, been someone, lived somewhere. Although their whole purpose there was to get away from there as soon as possible, he didn’t want to just… he didn’t want all of that to just be forgotten.

He carved an S for Seungmin. And then, he carved F for Felix and J for Jeongin. Another J for himself and M for Minho. It was sloppy, but he tried his best. It was better than nothing. He even left an H there for Hyunjin, who was suffering probably more than anyone else there.

When he was done, he looked at the letters. And felt even sadder, if it was possible.

“It’s just letters”, he said. “Even if I understand it… no one else will”

“As lost souls, I feel like the best thing we can hope for is to be forgotten”, Minho said softly and touched the carvings. The final J and M were a bit separate from the rest. Jisung got weirdly reminded of the times in middle school when they had found a heart on a tree. He didn’t remember whose names he had found inside it, but it had been some of his friends and he had laughed so much. Hearts, love hearts, uh, how embarrassing.

The hearts were probably still there. The hearts always lasted longer than the actual relationships did.

“Forgotten”, Jisung repeated the word. “Oblivion… as sad as it is… it’s such a liberating thing. Because we will all be forgotten, especially here”

“Yeah, maybe”

Jisung’s dead heart felt so warm. He touched the cravings too, and his hand brushed against Minho’s. He put his hand on top of the older’s, and entangled their fingers.

He turned around to look at the elder, whose eyes were burning. Dark. Beautiful. Wanting. Jisung led Minho’s hand around his hips, as he wrapped his own around his neck. The whole forest seemed to have quieted down for them, for their moment together. Jisung knew he was dead, but he had never felt so alive, close to Minho, and looking up into his eyes. Minho had that sweet smile on his face, the one that seemed to warm Jisung from the inside and made his heart sing in ways it never had before. 

It was such a shame that he couldn’t write songs anymore. Because he would have written the best song of the century with Minho as his muse.

Uh, what a cliche.

How… how disgusting…

“This shouldn’t happen”, Minho muttered so quietly, so that Jisung had trouble even hearing it. “This is wrong, in so many ways”

“Yeah”, Jisung answered. “It’s not ideal. But who is to say that it’s wrong? You said yourself, that you don’t believe that anyone can judge us anymore. And even if we were still alive… what’s wrong about… about liking someone?”

Finally, Minho looked at him in the eyes. And Jisung saw it - he saw the pain in his eyes, as well as the tenderness, the fear. Jisung glanced down at his lips and then back up into his eyes that were shining in the gray light. 

“Nothing”, Minho whispered. “There’s nothing wrong with that”. 

Jisung finally felt brave enough to lean closer, watch as Minho’s smile faded away as he pressed his lips carefully against his.

Jisung’s heart ached. He pulled Minho so close to himself, that the coldness of the wind couldn’t touch them anymore. The quietness around them seemed to watch them, the shadows painted the background for a picture where two lost souls found each other in such a cliche way that the people of today would roll their eyes but still think of it as beautiful somewhere deep in their hearts. 

Jisung’s eyes were closed, he just leaned on Minho, who felt so strong against him. He was beautiful, everything about him was. And it was so wrong that he had to wander aimlessly and not reach the peace that he deserved. But maybe the gods above, in all their graciousness, needed him to stay on earth - to take care of lost souls like Jisung and Jeongin, to provide safety and closeness, friendship, for the ones who were lost.

Jisung was angry. But he was thankful as well, in his own selfish way. Because for as long as he had Minho there next to him, he wouldn’t need to hurry. Staying on earth, as a hollow ghost until no one remembered him anymore? 

That would be okay. He wouldn’t be alone.

Minho cupped his face with his hands to deepen the kiss, and Jisung couldn’t help but smile a little before moving his mouth. It was still sweet, loving, okay for the few birds in the trees and cats on the ground to see. Minho touched him so carefully like he could vanish or break at any moment. But he wouldn’t.

Then, Jisung felt something. Or rather, saw. He saw light through his closed eyelids, yellow light, something that he hadn’t seen in a long time, certainly never in the forest.

Minho pulled back from him just a little and he opened his eyes. There was indeed natural light filling the forest, and he had to cover his eyes from it.

“What is _that?_ ”

“That”, Minho said and looked up to the trees. “Is a sunrise”

Indeed. In between the evergrey clouds there was a sun, peeking and lighting up the forest. The black shadows moved from its way, the rays of light hit the ground one at a time and spread colors that Jisung had already forgotten existed. It was magical almost, some forest animals hid from it but most looked at the light curiously. Just like Jisung and Minho.

“I’ve never seen one here”, Jisung whispered, not to bother the animals gathering around them.

“Yeah, it’s been years since I saw one around here too”, Minho was smiling, looking at the sky that got lighted in a way Jisung hadn’t believed would even be possible. 

“Why does that happen?”

“No one really knows. But I want to believe”, Minho hugged Jisung from behind and leaned his chin on Jisung’s shoulder. “That the heavens were happy today”

His hands still around his waist, Jisung took a long look at him as the sun shined on them.

In sunlight, Minho looked even more transparent than before. But he looked like… like he was shining. Like the dust that hovered in the air when the sun found its way in the room, or mist on a hayfield early morning or golden pollen. Powder snow falling from the sky, creating a small cloud that formed Minho there in the sun. He was it all, like natural glitter, his skin was shining. He was so beautiful.

“You look like a twilight vampire”, Jisung said, because he had no filter and he had to say whatever he thought, out loud.

“Uh, thanks?”

“Oh that’s a movie that- okay nevermind”

Minho hugged him even closer and Jisung leaned his head back. They both kept watching the sun peek through the light gray clouds, and Jisung could almost feel its warmth on his cheeks. It felt almost like it was spring. Maybe it was, who knew. 

Time no longer mattered to any of them.

Jisung felt all bubbly and happy inside. Even though he shouldn't - he had just kissed Minho and was now hugging him, watching the sun dance in a dead forest. He experienced miracles. 

Beautiful miracles.

“What I meant to say was”, Jisung said quietly. “That... that you're beautiful"


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I binged the Netflix series "The Haunting of Hill House" with a couple of friends of mine and realized that oh, right, I have my own supernatural fanfiction here, unfinished. So, I can safely say that I'm back for good, to properly finish what I started.
> 
> Let's go!

Waking up from Minho’s arms was the best thing that Jisung had experienced during his time in the town of the dead. Hands down. Kissing him was very nice too. But being close like this just felt different. More intimate in a way. Comfortable.

“Morning”, Minho muttered and kissed the back of Jisung’s neck. Jisung turned around to kiss him properly. They didn’t need to worry about morning breath or breathing in general so it was very nice. Jisung smiled against his lips.

“Is it really morning?”, he asked. He never knew when the day changed but Minho seemed to be able to tell. And he trusted Minho blindly.

“Nah, I don’t know”, Minho answered. He brushed a stray lock of hair from Jisung's face and smiled fondly. “Whenever you sleep is the night for me”

“Don’t you get bored, just lying here when I sleep?” Jisung asked. Minho only slept a few hours here and there but Jisung still needed almost double the amount, regularly. And now, every day that he went to bed to sleep, Minho was there too, holding him in his arms until he fell asleep and woke up again.

“Nah”, Minho answered and kept stroking Jisung’s hair. “What is there to do that I haven’t already done a million times? I like to watch you, listen to your breathing. You’re so beautiful”

“That’s creepy as hell”, Jisung whispered. The vague memories of his Twilight phase kept creeping into his mind and he tried his best to push them away. Yes, he had also had a Twilight phase. Shut up.

“Oh yeah, I know. Sorry”

“It’s okay”, Jisung smiled. “My silly creep”

He pulled Minho into another kiss. They had seen the sun a few weeks ago, and after that, the whole purgatory had felt lighter, better, more colorful. Jisung wasn’t sure whether it was the weather or the fact that now he could kiss Minho whenever he wanted to. Maybe both. 

It had started with shy kisses exchanged in the darkness, but it had soon grown into something more. Now, Minho might grab him and press him against one of those millions of trees of the forest, and take his breath away again and again and again. There were times when he carried Jisung inside and they made out on the bed, not caring about the world around them at all. 

Yeah, Jisung got his first kiss in the purgatory. But at least he got it. And from Minho, of all people. He felt alive again, even when the sun sometimes shined on then again, and he saw how transparent they were. Whatever. He had fallen for the older hard and he couldn’t care less about anything else.

Maybe he should have.

They lighted the lanterns each night when the darkness surrounded the forest. They had gotten many people to help them - even Hyunjin had stopped swimming in fountains and come to help. Jisung had talked to him some more. And it turned out that under all that horror and bitterness, there was a nice guy after all.

If he had met him during his life… he couldn’t say for sure, whether they would have gotten along or not. But here, lighting lanterns for lost souls, they worked well as a team.

Hyunjin was also the first one to congratulate Jisung and Minho. They hadn’t exactly told anyone about the change in their relationship, there was no reason to really. But Hyunjin just knew. Hyunjin wasn’t a regular soul, he was a vengeful spirit - Jisung didn’t know what that entailed exactly but maybe he just had the ability to know things too. Sense things that no one else could.

The only other person who knew about their… developed relationship was Jeongin. After he had come back from the living world and Jisung and Minho had given him the news of Seungmin passing… he hadn’t been the same. Minho had offered him a place to stay, as he usually did, and Jeongin turned down most of his offerings, as _he_ usually did.

When the youngest felt anxious, he left. That was quite common, Jeongin spent a lot of time away. But then, he had gone to the world of the living and never came back. Minho told Jisung not to worry (it wasn’t like he could die, right? Ha… ha okay, still) but Jisung still noticed how the older looked over to the waters more often, waited by the window for longer, and looked disappointed when he realized that none of the people returning on the boats were Jeongin. 

_“Do you think he could go on without telling us?” Jisung had asked one night when it had been obvious that Minho was upset because of Jeongin._

_“I don’t know”, the older obviously hated that sentence. “I shouldn’t feel bitter if he has”_

_But he would come and tell us beforehand, right?_

_Right?_

_Mrraaah_

Dori meowed loudly and they both looked at their feet - the smallest cat found its way out from under the blanket where it had tangled in while Jisung and Minho hadn’t paid attention to it. It stretched on the floor and shot them a murderous gaze.

“Sorry”, Minho laughed and it was almost as though the cat understood him somehow. It snorted and went under the table, to continue sleeping there.

Jisung smiled as he looked at Minho.

How could he be so lucky? Their life (hehe but really) was so… perfect. With cats and their own house. Lazy life, lighting lanterns, and spending time with each other.

_Vain life, unlife, wandering around with no purpose, undead and unwanted._

But it was easier to do all that together.

…

They didn’t spend all of their waking time together though. Minho still spent a lot of time with the animals outside of his cottage, while Jisung yearned for adventures. It was a good way to spend their time, they made out against the wall of the cottage for goodbye, spent some time apart, and then made out again when they met each other later.

Jisung couldn’t feel the lust the same way anymore, as he had with his human body. It wasn’t annoying and frustrating, sometimes blurring his thoughts and filling them with sinful imagines until he could finally touch himself. No, instead, it only felt good being with Minho. It felt less maddening and more calming, filling his heart with comfortable warmth rather than melting hot madness that had to be fucked away.

He felt love that didn’t hurt. 

Sometimes they let their hands wander under the blankets but it was different. Jisung had never kissed anyone while he had been alive, not to even mention touching or going further, but he just knew. It was different. He wasn’t physically connected with Minho because they weren’t physical creatures anymore. But their spirits yearned for each other.

And he loved it.

Approximately 21 days after they had seen the sun, and 16 days after Jeongin had left them, Jisung made his way to the meadow where he had met Minho’s cats for the first time. He carried Dori - the cat had fought with Doongie for some reason, and he had decided to calm her down by taking her for a walk. 

And that was when things truly changed. For better, or for worse.

“Jisung!”

Jisung turned around to see Jeongin walk towards him from the forest. He smiled at first - the younger had indeed not abandoned them, he should go and tell Minho right away! But something about Jeongin’s expression made him uneasy.

Jeongin looked shaken, troubled. Jisung let Dori go from his arms, as Jeongin walked to him. The cat had sensed it as well - Jeongin approached them like a storm cloud, the aura around him was dark and ominous. Jisung swallowed.

“Hey, Innie”, Jisung tried to smile. “Are you alright? Where have you been?”

“Yeah, I am, I… Listen, hyung, have you been to the living world lately?”

 _That_ was how he greeted him after being gone for over two weeks?

“Uh, no, I haven’t gone there yet”, Jisung said. “I told you that I haven’t”

“Oh, right”

“What’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

Okay haha such a stupid metaphor but Jisung still had some more adjusting to do. It was difficult, being dead, alright? And he didn’t know how to react to Jeongin in this state.

The fact that Jeongin didn’t react to his stupid metaphor at all told a lot about _his_ state.

“You have to come with me”, Jeongin said and grabbed Jisung’s arm. “To see the living world. Now”

“Why?” Jisung asked. “Did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened, I just”, Jeongin was stumbling over his words, and Dori ran further away, shaken. Jisung kept his eyes at Jeongin who kept fumbling nervously, anxiously, still not letting go of Jisung’s arm. “It has something to do with your death”

“My death?” Jisung felt his stomach fall. “What have you been doing, the past couple of weeks?”

  
“Can I explain while we go?” Jeongin asked while he pulled Jisung’s arm stronger. “We should go as soon as possible. Trust me, it’s safe, I just… I just think you should hurry”

“Why? I’m dead!” Jisung pulled his hand free. “What’s gotten into you?! I’m not leaving before telling Minho about it at least!”

Jeongin glanced behind him, towards the direction where Jisung had come from.

“Dori!” He yelled. Jisung turned around to see the cat stop at the side of the forest, on his way to the cottage. “Let him know!”

The cat stared at them for a couple of beats and then jumped into the bushes. Jisung blinked - had the cat understood Jeongin? Jisung still had trouble understanding exactly how conscious the animals of the town of the dead were, but maybe Jeongin understood them better. 

Maybe.

“Now, can we go?” Jeongin asked, and Jisung was so dumbfounded that he just nodded.

...

“I spent some time in the cemetery”, Jeongin said as they half-walked-half-ran through the thick vegetation of the forest. “I follow my mum there every now and then, and one today, I decided to look around a bit. You told me where you lived before, so I know that the people from your region should be buried somewhere in there. At least that’s what makes sense, right?”

Jisung just nodded, trying to keep up with Jeongin’s speed.

“So, I checked through all the new nameplates and graves, but I couldn’t find your name. I even took a trip to the few other cemeteries in Seoul, but I couldn’t find you anywhere. And you told me that you were Catholic so your name should be somewhere in there, there should be a trace, _something_. But there isn’t.”

“What are you trying to say?” Jisung felt uneasy thinking of it further. Had he… not been buried? Had he died in the forest and just... was his corpse rotting in a forest and no one had found him? Had he been murdered and hidden somewhere? Had he drowned? Was his body floating somewhere along with the current and some innocent person was going to find his half-rotten corpse by the shore someday and get a huge trauma?

Great. Just great. Oh god.

“What I’m trying to say is”, Jeongin answered as they finally got through the forest to the shore where the boats were kept. “That you have to come over. To see for yourself”

“To see what? Nothingness?” Jisung followed him to the nearest boat with a ferryman in it. “Is this why it took you so long to come back?”

“I mourned Seungmin too, okay?!” Jeongin sounded tense as he hopped on the boat without exchanging a single word with the ferryman. “And my mom was sick. I didn’t want to come back here, just to see death everywhere. I'm not like you, I don't exactly _enjoy_ being dead”

Jisung felt icky about the way Jeongin said it but he bit his tongue. Instead, he looked up to the man who was standing in the boat. It was Felix. He looked like he had been waiting for them, he smiled at Jisung reassuringly. Maybe he had been the one to take Jeongin back too. He was like a taxi that had waited at the shore for them upon Jeongin’s request.

Jisung understood the younger’s reasoning. But what he still didn't understand was-

“Why is it so important for me to come over now?” He asked. “Why so suddenly?”

_So suddenly that I didn’t even have the time to tell Minho. To maybe ask him to accompany us._

Jeongin pulled Jisung down to sit opposite him, and Felix pushed the boat away from the shore. Jisung had swum in these waters before, he didn’t feel nervous at all when the wind found them and rocked the boat. He kept staring at Jeongin, who was sitting at the head of the boat, his back towards the direction they were traveling to while Felix kept steering the boat from behind Jisung.

“You have never gone to the living world before. Not after realizing that you died”, Jeongin’s eyes followed Felix’s paddle where it moved slowly, pushing the boat forward. “If you weren’t even buried… there is only so much time that you have to clear your destiny if you disappeared without a trace”

Jisung let the words sink in. Slowly. 

“You could get stuck in here”, Jeongin continued, putting to words the things Jisung slowly started to understand. “For dozens of years. Forever, even. If you don’t settle things in the living world”

“But Minho doesn’t go to the living world either”, Jisung muttered and Jeongin finally looked at him in the eyes.

Jisung didn’t like the things he saw swimming in his eyes.

“He’s been stuck in here for half a century”, Jeongin said slowly. “There is nothing for him to do in the real world anymore. All he can do is wait”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Minho is lonely. He doesn’t mean to hurt you, but he also doesn’t want people to keep leaving him behind”

“I don’t want to leave him behind! We’re happy together!”

Jeongin almost looked… pitying. And Jisung fucking _hated_ that.

“No matter how happy you think you are, you’re not supposed to stay in the town of the dead. It’s supposed to be the place where you can rest while you find out what happened to you, a place of comfort. But the only reason you even exist right now is to find out what happened and move on. Or to pay back your debt. Whatever it is that trapped you here and made your heart heavy, preventing you from moving on to the other side”

Jisung looked down into the dark waters. He could still jump off, they weren’t too far from the shore. He could swim back. He had done it before. 

However, before his thoughts manifested into any kind of movement, Jeongin grabbed his hand. Hard.

“Think about it”, he was almost begging. “Minho has been here for so long, he has always been the one to stay behind while others come and go, fulfilling their duties and making peace with their destinies. If he got a chance to go up after all this time, do you really think he would give it up for you?”

Jisung pulled back but Jeongin wasn’t letting go.

“I thought you cared about him”, he spat out, anger filling his heart. “He’s been taking such good care of you!”

“I know. And I do”, Jeongin nodded sadly. “But you deserve a chance”

_Forever doesn’t sound nearly as awful now that you’re here with me._

But that wasn’t _supposed_ to be their forever. They were supposed to move on.

That wasn’t life anymore. It was something so much less, it was darkness and grayness and constant coldness. They were hollow ghosts, just a shadow of what they had once been. 

It was purgatory, not the afterlife.

“He is right”, Felix’s low voice entered their argument, calm and steady, just like his rowing. "Visit the living world and see what's going on. You can always come back here"

“Okay”, Jisung grimaced and Jeongin finally let go of his hand. He crossed his arms and sulked like a toddler. He knew somewhere deep down that the two just wanted the best for him. Probably. But he had been so sure that Minho had meant that too. Maybe in his own reasoning, he had.

But in reality, he had just been pushing back something that was inevitable.

Jisung didn’t have all the time in the world. He didn’t even know how long he had been dead. He had to face those things if he wanted to move on. Even if he didn’t want to move on, he had to. He had no other choice.

Felix rowed them deeper into the mist and the humid fog enveloped them all over. Jisung couldn’t even see Jeongin properly anymore, that was how the white mist surrounded them. It felt cold, every sound seemed to echo far, far away, as though they were swimming in emptiness itself. 

“You can’t walk in the sun”, Jeongin whispered, but he sounded like he was a mile away. “That’s all the rules that there are, in the living world. Ghosts cannot walk in the sun”

“But what if I still do?” Jisung asked. He felt somewhat uneasy talking when he couldn’t even see, but the mist around them wasn’t darkness. It was brighter colors, like bright gray and vanilla and very light orange mixed, endless whiteness, and soft curls, like clouds, running around them. As though someone had placed a thousand smoke machines there, but the sweet, artificial smell was gone. “Who controls us there?”

“Nobody”, Jeongin answered. Felix kept rowing steadily, but the gray waters looked like the clouds sometimes did in winter nights - heavy, unevenly colored, hiding something so dark behind them. Jisung didn’t even want to know what was lurking below the surface. Every now and then Felix purposefully hit something with his paddle and Jisung did not want to see what it was.

“You’ll see, when we get there”, Jeongin finally said, and laid down on the bottom of the boat, under the mist, but Jisung could only see his feet. “I’d suggest you rest now. It’ll take a while"

Jisung followed his example and laid down into a small ball on the bottom of the boat. It was cold, but the steady rocking of the boat and Felix’s quiet humming sent him to sleep.

…

He slept without dreams. By the time Jeongin shook him awake, he could feel the actual wind blowing through him and the air felt more… real, so to say. Stronger. Aggressive.

“Where are we?” He asked as he sat up. The mist had almost completely cleared and he started to see shapes and colors somewhere beyond it.

“At the Han River”, Felix said as the buildings came to view. Indeed, the waters under the boat were dark and polluted, and the noise in the air came from traffic, cars, and planes. They were rowing in the Han river, in the middle of Seoul. One of the busiest, biggest metropolis in the living world.

“But I came here by walking over a lake!” Jisung protested, but everywhere he looked, he could only see the city. Real, breathing, living city. “It was nowhere _near_ the Han River!”

The sounds seemed to be drilling into Jisung's brain. He had spent so much time in the quietness, now the artificial lights and artificial sounds felt like too much. Way too much.

“Us ferrymen move along all waters that the living world offers us”, Felix explained. “It’s up to the spirits, where they want to go or hop on”

“Could you take us to Europe too? Or, Antarctica?” Jisung asked, the fascination filling his heart with wonder again. The Han River was wide, huge, although the city lights no longer reflected from his skin, he felt like a child, entering an amusement park for the first time. “I mean, in theory”

“Yes”, Felix nodded, smiling a little. “Wherever you need to go. Oh, it looks like we have other customers waiting for us. I’ll drop you by the pier!”

Indeed, Jisung recognized the transparent spirits waiting by the shore, waving at them. He looked down at himself - it wasn’t sunny in Seoul, the sky was cloudy and dusky, but still, he looked more transparent than he had ever looked before. Jeongin was sitting at the prow of their boat, staring at the city with a straight face. Jisung didn’t dare say anything until they stopped at the pier.

“The dawn is just about to break”, Jeongin grabbed his hand immediately when they hopped off the boat. “Come on, we need a place to hide for the day”

Jeongin probably knew better than him. So, Jisung let the younger pull him after himself, deeper into the city.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the world doesn't go to sht, I'll be able to do something exciting in February. Please pray for me, I've been waiting for this chance for years and it will never come again.
> 
> I'm back with an extra-long chapter. I hope you like it!

_"Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones  
_ _Because regret is stronger than gratitude"  
  
_ _\- Anne Frank_

* * *

They made it to an apartment building just before the first rays of sunlight started painting the ground around them. According to Jeongin, they could have gone to any house they wanted to, just by walking through the walls, but Jeongin had specifically wanted to come to this specific one.

There was nothing special about the building they entered. It was a very old and neglected-looking building, on that side of Seoul that Jisung’s grandma had never wanted to visit. Jisung had trouble getting up the stairs because he felt like every step he took went through the floor and he fell. Jeongin, in the end, just carried him piggyback style until they reached the fifth floor. That was the destination of their trip, apparently, or that was where Jeongin let him down.

“You need to practice that. I told you that the living world is different”, he said as he eyed a closed door leading to an apartment, as though it could open by itself. “Okay, uh, welcome!”

Jisung would have asked where they were but Jeongin walked through the door and Jisung followed after him. And they entered… a very normal-looking apartment, in Korean standards. 

It was small and cramped, somewhat messy because it contained much more stuff than it had been designed for. There were cardboard and plastic boxes of clothes and other necessities piled against the wall, there were crumbs on the plastic carpet, and the kitchen was messy. There were just a couple of rooms in the apartment, and in the living room, someone was sleeping on a futon on the floor.

Weak rays of sunlight were shining through the closed blinds. Jeongin maneuvered around the boxes on the floor while Jisung just walked through them. He felt so unreal, he was barely able to stay in the room without falling through the floor. But Jeongin walked on the carpet and even touched the blinds, moving them slightly.

“How can you do that?” Jisung whispered although he knew that the sleeping human couldn't hear them. It would have been rude to scream. Just because.

“Practise. And good intentions”, Jeongin answered in a similar, quiet voice. He turned to look at the sleeping person, and Jisung followed his eyes. That wasn’t really an answer he would have hoped for, but he didn’t complain. 

An alarm went off. Jisung jumped, but Jeongin looked like he had been expecting it. The human in question turned, their messy hair still covering their face, and turned it off. 

“Oh”, Jeongin said with a sad smile on his face. “It’s one of those days again”

Jisung had no idea what he was talking about. He just stood in silence as the alarm went off again. And again. It must have been snoozed for five minutes each time but it felt like a blink of an eye to him. Jisung was so used to the time flow of the purgatory, the human world was moving so incredibly fast in comparison.

By the time the alarm went off for the fifth time, Jeongin moved closer to the human. He kneeled next to them and touched their shoulder gently.

“Mom”, he whispered. “It’s time to wake up”

Mom? 

Oh. Oh, _no._

“That’s your mother”, Jisung asked out loud like an idiot, but Jeongin nodded anyway.

“Yeah”, he answered, still keeping his eyes on the sleeping woman. “She is bad at waking up in the mornings”

Jeongin said it so casually like it was nothing. Like, _yeah, that’s my mom. I visit her in the mornings. Oh, right, and I’m dead and she can’t see me so I’m technically haunting her but yeah._

“Mom”, he said again moved to touch her hair. “Come on”

The woman woke up very slowly, it even looked slow to Jisung who hadn’t gotten used to the speed of the living world yet. She didn't look like she was awake, her eyes half-closed, as she wore thick socks and headed to the kitchen. Jeongin looked after her but didn’t follow, instead, just sat down on the futon she had left unmade.

“Is this where you always come?” Jisung kept asking obvious questions, but he wanted to somehow break the silence. It felt weird as hell to be there with a living human, someone he couldn’t look through, someone who couldn’t see him. They both looked so hollow in the daylight of the room, Jisung wanted to make sure that Jeongin was actually there. Or something, anything.

Jeongin just nodded.

“Growing up, it was always just me and mom”, he explained, his eyes following his mom, who started brewing herself some coffee. “She doesn’t have many people who look after her so… I try to.”

Jisung didn’t want to question it, but his mind did anyway - how could Jeongin ever help her, when he wasn’t _real?_

If she fell down, he couldn’t help her up. If she hurt herself, Jeongin couldn’t heal her. If she was sad, he couldn’t comfort her. All he could do was watch.

It sounded like torture to Jisung. But he didn’t say anything. Whatever he had in mind, he was sure that Jeongin knew. He didn’t need to be reminded.

The woman returned to the living room surprisingly quickly, holding a cup. She sat down on the futon - Jeongin had to move a little to avoid going through her. She wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and smelled the coffee. It wasn’t anything fancy but she seemed to get some energy out of it, from the smell alone.

It had been such a long time since Jisung had tasted or smelled any human food - as the smell of coffee filled the apartment, he could somehow feel it. Feel what it used to be like. He remembered the early mornings on campus, he remembered Changbin dragging his feet to their studio, holding a cup of black coffee, dark circles under his eyes from spending two previous nights awake. 

He wondered how Chan and Changbin were doing. If they were over him yet. The more time Jisung spent in the living world, the more he started to wonder. The more _dead_ he felt. In the town… he had stopped wondering and just lived on.

Ha. Haha. _Lived._ Right.

“Mom, wait. It’s hot”

Jeongin’s mom stopped before the dark liquid touched her lips, and blew. The steam dissolved in the air, in front of them. It looked about as solid as Jeongin did in Jisung’s eyes. The woman blew again, a couple of times, and tasted the liquid.

Had she done it because she had sensed Jeongin? But she obviously hadn't noticed them there - how did that work? Or was it just a coincidence?

Jisung could ask. But the quiet moment together felt so solemn that he didn't dare break it.

...

“She believes that I will hear her whenever she lights up the incense”, Jeongin said, leaning against the wall and hugging his knees a few hours later. Jisung sat down next to him and watched as the woman lit a couple of them next to Jeongin’s framed picture, set on top of a small bookshelf. He wasn’t even smiling in that picture, it must be a school picture or something.

Yang Jeongin. Fifteen years old. School of Performing Arts Seoul.

“And you are”, Jisung said.

“And I am”, Jeongin nodded. “Or, I try to be. I want to listen to what she has to say. I know she would be sad if she knew that I didn’t”

Jisung smiled sadly. Honestly, he wouldn’t know what he would do. He hadn’t visited his parents, although now that he knew about Felix’s crazy rowing powers, a short trip to Malaysia would be child’s play. Maybe he could visit his grandmother… but he didn’t want to see their sadness. He didn’t want to hear their prayers when he couldn’t answer them anymore.

Maybe it would be fine now, though. He had noticed the signs of early summer as they had run across the city. So, it had been months since he had died, he didn’t even know exactly. Maybe they would all be over it.

Jisung remembered the puppy he had basically adopted as a child. It had died after being hit by a car, only a few years after he had started caring for it. And he still teared up whenever he thought about it, ten years later. So… his mother wouldn’t get over losing him, not that quickly. If she ever would.

And if he was missing… it would be even worse. Vain hope that would only end up in 

“Where do you suggest we go?” He asked Jeongin. His mother wasn’t saying anything, so he just broke the silence.

“I have a couple of places in mind”, Jeongin muttered, his eyes at his mom. “The cemetery and hospital on your side of town, then the forest trail you took. We should go and see if anything there wakes any feelings or memories in you”

Jisung nodded.

“And we should move at night?”

“Not necessarily”, Jeongin said. “Sun is the thing we should avoid. If the cloud coverage is thick, then…”

_“Won’t you look at that”_

They both turned to look at Jeongin’s mother, who had turned to look towards the window. 

_“The forecast said that it should rain today”,_ she said. _“I hope it doesn’t ruin your flowers. Then again, you used to like rain, didn’t you?”_

“I did”, Jeongin said, as though his mom could hear his answer. “I used to like rain”

 _But not this kind of rain, I’m sure,_ Jisung thought as he saw the woman reach for a handkerchief to dry her tears. Jeongin stood up again, as though nothing had happened. He walked past his mother, closer to the window.

“It’s getting kind of dark”, Jeongin said, his eyes looking far into the horizon. “I think we could go in a few hours. But not if it rains”

“Why?” Jisung asked. Jeongin didn’t turn to look at him.

“It’s one of the worst feelings on earth”

They watched the weather forecast with Jeongin’s mom. In some weird way, it felt like Jisung was spending time with one of his friends from high school - like Jaemin, the only other Korean guy who was in the same school as him. Jaemin had always been very quiet when his mom was around, and Jisung was shy. So, he, Jaemin, and Jaemin’s mom sometimes watched TV in silence.

Did Jaemin know he was dead?

Anyway.

The forecast told them that it would, indeed, rain. And once it started raining, it wouldn’t stop. For the next three days.

“We can’t wait for three days!” Jisung protested. “Minho will be worried!”

“Minho hyung is literally dead, Jisung”, Jeongin rolled his eyes. “He can wait for a while. I’m sure Felix has told him what’s going on, he will understand”

Was that really the case? Jisung had disappeared very suddenly, without saying a single word to him. Jisung remembered how worried he had been over Jeongin. And Soonie. Everyone, who spent more time gone than they had promised beforehand.

He felt guilty. 

In the end, Jeongin wasn’t exactly patient either. By the time darkness started falling over the city, he was already tapping his fingers against the windowsill.

“We can go if you want to”, Jeongin said. “Rain isn’t at all like sunlight, it just feels weird. We can take the bus if we’re at the bus stop at the right time”

“Really?!” Jisung stood up from where he had been slumped under the window. As a ghost in the living world, he couldn’t enjoy the softness of the futon or even get annoyed by the hard floor. He just… existed, floated, like he couldn’t touch the world at all. Even gravity felt less binding. Jeongin had a much more stable hold on the world, he could stand on things, sit on things and he seemed to be able to touch, although not move, objects.

“Yeah”, Jeongin nodded. “Just… prepare to run a lot if it doesn’t come”

“Can’t you check it anywhere?”

“Um, ghost fingers”, Jeongin wiggled said fingers in front of him. “I can’t use a computer to check, nor can I skim through a timetable booklet”

“Damn, you’re right”, Jisung nodded in understanding. “Being invisible is so much less interesting than I thought it would be”

“Well, we’re not exactly invincible”, Jeongin ruffed his hair. “We just… don’t exist here”

Yeah, um, Jisung could make an argument against that. He might not physically exist, but the weird-ass feeling of raindrops falling through his body damn sure existed. He felt like he was being electrocuted a bit every time a raindrop went through him, and he made sure to let Jeongin know exactly how he felt.

“This is disgusting!”

“Then hurry up!” Jeongin yelled at him. “Run! The quicker we get there, the better!”

They decided to start at the hospital as it was the closest to the house. Jisung had no idea how much time it took them to reach the building, but definitely, less than it would from a bus. Even though they had to suffer from the god awful feeling of water running through them while doing so, Jisung was glad that they made it.

“Alright”, Jeongin said as they stopped under a cherry tree, close to the entrance of the hospital main building. Even from that far away, Jisung could see more spirits wandering in the hospital halls. “It’s your time, go ahead”

“Are you not coming with me?” Jisung asked and jumped closer to Jeongin as several drops of water fell on his back from a branch. Not the best hiding place, but if Jisung had to choose between water drops going through him and actual humans walking through, then the choice was clear. He had no idea what _that_ would feel like.

The traffic in front of the main door was quite busy.

“I can’t go there”, Jeongin sighed and looked away.

Jisung raised his brows.

“What?”

“I can’t go into the hospital”, Jeongin shook his head violently. “I died there - I _was dying_ , for days, in there. It feels too awful, I just can’t go in anymore”

“And you want _me_ to?”

“You have to!” Jeongin has never exactly screamed at Jisung before, so he felt taken aback. Jeongin had been weird the past day, not like himself at all. “You wanted answers, right? The only way to get out of the purgatory is to get those answers.”

“I don’t want…”

“Do you seriously not want away?”

No. That was not it. Jisung ran his hand through his hair.

“Why is this such a big thing for you?” Jisung asked. “My freedom?”

“Because I care about you”, Jeongin said. “And… and I haven’t told you the whole truth”

“What? Great, what’s next?” Jisung didn’t even feel that mad, he just felt tired despite not having done much during the day. Spending a day with a living human made him exhausted and he couldn’t explain it but it just did. “Spill it”

“I heard people talking about you here”, Jeongin said. “A few people, living, walking out of the doors. It was a pure coincidence that I heard them, but, I know what I heard”

“What did they say?” Jisung immediately had a change of heart as he grabbed Jeongin’s hands to hold them - Jeongin was the only solid thing, for him, and he needed to hold something. “What did they look like?!”

“See, I told you you’d want to hear”, Jeongin said, but his voice lacked any sassiness from his voice. He was serious, as he had been the whole day. “I don’t know, they looked like an ordinary Korean couple, maybe as old as my mom. I just heard the word Han Jisung, and I came back”

“Great, there’s like 5,000 Han Jisungs in the world”, Jisung let go of him and turned his back towards him. “And that’s why you brought me here?”

“I told you about the graves. And then I heard the name. It might be a clue!”

“How do you know?!”

“I don’t! But you should follow it!”

“Why is this such a big deal to you?!”

“Because I care about you Jisung. I don’t want you to get stuck!”, Jeongin yelled after him, and for the first time during the whole day, he actually looked sad. Miserable, sad, tired. “I’ve seen what it can do, heck, I’m _living_ it. Even if it’s just a small strand, you should grab it. You might not have much more time”

Jisung felt his own ghost energy or whatever vanish into thin air and he sat down on the ground. Wet asphalt that he couldn’t even feel. He rubbed his face, trying to clear his messy thoughts.

“This is fucked up”, he groaned. “All of this. I have to figure out my destiny? Why the fuck do I have to do that?! How does it help _anyone at all?!_ ”

“Nothing actually makes sense. Not in our world nor in the living one”, Jeongin sat down next to him and put a hand to his shoulder. “That’s why we should do our best to move on to the next one.”

“It might be exactly as shitty as these”, Jisung shook his head. “Or worse”

“Or it could be better”, Jeongin rubbed his shoulder. “You’ll never know if you never try! Have some hope”

“What do I do with hope?”, Jisung tsk-ed. “I’m dead”

“But not finished yet”

Not finished. He wasn’t done yet. No matter how much he wanted to just throw it all away and run back to Minho’s arms, he couldn’t. Not anymore. He knew too much to return to the darkness. He needed answers - or oblivion. He couldn’t keep wandering around, he didn’t want to have to look for his parents and friends and live haunting them.

There was only one way forward.

Even though he was dead, he wasn’t done yet.

“Okay”, he finally said and straightened his back. “I’ll do it”

“You will?” Jeongin sounded surprised but happy. Of course, it was the exact outcome that he had hoped for.

“Yeah”, Jisung nodded and stood up, Jeongin following right beside him. “I’ll rummage through this stupid hospital. Even if I find nothing, I could guide a few lost souls on the right path, right? So, I can only win on this trip!”

Jeongin smiled brightly.

“That’s more like it”, he hit Jisung’s back. “Go and get it, Han Jisung!”

  
  


…

  
  


The hospital halls were filled with people, despite it being quite late already. Both living and dead, wandering around. Jisung could see someone crying, and a spirit trying to comfort them but failing. 

An old-looking spirit asked him if he knew where he was going. He nodded. He was going to find out the truth.

Had his body been in this hospital? Jisung didn’t know what they did to people who were already dead - he must have been cut open like they did in CSI Miami, right? To determine how he had died. Or had he been alive in the hospital?

He might be barking at the wrong tree. But he had to check the whole tree to make sure.

So, he started to work. From the first floor up, he looked through every room that could potentially provide him answers. Going through walls felt weird but it was worth it since he could see in without waiting for someone to permit him or opening the door.

None of the rooms looked familiar to him. He was fairly sure that he had never been to the hospital, but he continued his way up, looking at the doctors, the people, the files he saw open, the offices and computers, and everything he could see. He didn't know what he was looking for, but once he found it, he knew that it was right.

There was something about the hallway on the fifth floor. It felt uneasy, but then again, Jisung couldn't help but go there. It was as though it was calling him - just like the island had, so many months ago. It couldn't have been a year yet, right? A year and a half? 

What did it matter?

What was Jisung even tracing there, exactly? The path which his corpse had taken after his death? He walked all the way to the end of the hallway and stopped to listen.

_"Any changes?"_

_"None, I'm afraid it can only get worse from here"_

_"Have you informed the relatives yet?"_

_"I heard that some of them are going to come to visit today. Soon. I'll tell them then"_

_"Alright"_

A door was opened to his right and Jisung saw two doctors. There were doctors and nurses everywhere so there was nothing special about that. What was special was an open door - Jisung took the chance and stepped in before it was closed - sliding through walls wasn't very pleasant at all, the feeling was weird and made Jisung uneasy so, he avoided it when he could.

_"See you tomorrow, Mina"_

_"Yeah, see you"_

The doctor that had been standing by the door closed it behind himself and Jisung could hear his steps echoing in the hallway. And suddenly, he was in a room with two people, a doctor, and a patient. The patient in question was lying on the bed, unmoving, barely even breathing. Not an unusual sight in the hospital. The female doctor checked his IV and Jisung glanced at the patient. Like he had done a million times before.

Only this time... this time he...

…

  
  


“Jeongin!”

The younger turned around from where he had been sitting in the flower bed, avoiding both people and rain.

“Jisung! Is everything alright?”

Jisung shook his head violently, and Jeongin ran up to him. He put his ghost hand on his shoulder, and Jisung suddenly felt sick. He wasn’t supposed to feel sick, he was dead, non-existent, his body that could feel all those things should be lying in the forest, rotting.

Except… it wasn’t.

“I found something”, Jisung answered as Jeongin guided him to sit at the edge of the flower bed. “I... I found myself”

Jeongin seemed like he had been prepared for many outcomes - but not this one. He blinked and narrowed his eyes.

“You what?”

“I found my body”, Jisung closed his eyes and evened out his breathing. He tried to make sense of what he had seen. “It was lying on a hospital bed, linked to machines, but it was alive. It looked so bad, it was skinny and pale and barely breathing but I’m sure it was me, Jeongin”

“It can’t be”, Jeongin shook his head. “You must have seen wrong”

“I know what I saw”, Jisung insisted. “It was me!”

“Listen to yourself”, Jeongin took Jisung’s hand and squeezed it. “How could you come to the town of the dead if you’re alive? Your soul is separated from your body, and that can only happen in death”

Jisung felt despair set in his heart. It had taken him a long time to accept that he was dead, yet, a slight chance that he could be alive had suddenly filled his dead, _ghost_ heart with the warmth that he didn’t want to let go.

“But I wasn’t buried, you said it yourself”, Jisung said quietly. “I… This could explain it”

Jeongin let go of him in favor of running his hands through his hair. Jisung could see it, his doubt and uncertainty. He didn’t know for sure, he couldn’t know for sure. Jeongin hadn’t been there, he hadn’t seen his own body lying on a hospital bed, unmoving and looking so empty.

Jisung had fled the moment he had realized what he saw. But he knew himself, he knew it better than anyone. One glance was enough. He became certain at the moment he stepped out and saw his grandmother in the hallway - his sweet, old grandma, holding flowers, walking slowly towards his room. _His room._

“Well”, Jeongin seemed to be reaching for some sort of explanation that made sense to him. “Even if it really was you, then, there’s a reason why your soul is separated from it. You might be alive now but you surely won’t be for long”

Okay. 

So he was dead.

Of course, there was no doubt about that.

He had known it for a long time now.

But.

“We need to get back!” Jisung gasped. “I… I need to talk to Minho, I need to… I need to...”

“Yeah, I think that’s enough for your first trip to the living world.” Jeongin nodded and grabbed Jisung’s arm. “Come, I know a way”

Jeongin pulled him after himself and ran through the grass. Jisung just followed without seeing anything, without feeling anything, his thoughts were running a million miles per hour and he was falling. Thank god he couldn’t fall through the ground - there were some limits for the ghosts after all. 

Jeongin stopped in front of some kind of a bird feeder. A place where birds could eat and drink from a bowl that had been placed on top of a short pillar, to collect rainwater. There were a handful of house sparrows gathered there, to play in the water, but most of them flew away as they arrived. As though they had seen them.

Minho had said that no living being could see the dead. But for what Jisung had seen during his short day in the living world, he would disagree.

Minho wasn’t right about everything. Jisung had learned that too.

“Felix!” Jeongin leaned over the water bowl, and Jisung followed suit. “Take us home!”

Jisung didn’t know how, but soon he felt himself being pulled into the boat, that would take him through time and space, to the land of the dead.

..

Getting through the mist for a second time felt much quicker. One moment they were surrounded by it, the next moment they were already sailing steadily towards the island that he could see in the distance. The darkness hadn’t changed but it felt more prominent. The coldness, the death all around it felt suffocating.

In the steady waters, the boat was moving slowly again. Way too slowly. 

Jisung jumped into the water. He heard Jeongin yell after him but he didn’t care - he was like a fish in these waters, he was much quicker than their boat and he felt better when he got to swim. Sitting in place in the slow-sailing boat was driving him crazy.

He reached the shore in record time and didn’t turn to look where the others were. He ran straight to the forest, through the bushes he had grown familiar with, to the empty hayfield and over it. Soon, he realized that someone was running next to him. Someone fluffy and cream-colored.

“Hi, Doongie!” he yelled at the cat. “Have you seen Minho hyung? Is he home?”

_“Meow!”_

“I’ll take that as a yes!”

Jisung had never been good with directions when he had been alive, but the forests on the island were familiar to him. He had spent months exploring them, while his body had been lying on a hospital bed and his grandma had kept bringing him fresh flowers. Hoping for something, anything.

Soon, the trees parted to show him the cabin. The old, abandoned-looking cabin of the dead town. And there was someone outside of it, sitting on the ground and talking to animals.

“Minho!” Jisung yelled and the other looked his way immediately.

“Jisung!” He answered in turn and stood up. “Where the hell have you been, I was so worried!”

Jisung ran to his arms and as he felt his ghostly warmth around him again, he felt like crying. He knew Minho, he _knew_ that Minho only wanted what was best for him. He couldn’t have known, it was impossible. He had offered Jisung a home, and Jisung loved him.

“I’m so sorry”, he sobbed to his neck, as Minho held him steadily. “Jeongin came back, and he wanted me to follow him to the living world. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Jeongin said that we didn’t have time”

“You went to the living world?”

“Yes, I did”

Minho let go of him and pulled away. Jisung felt coldness run through his ghost body - it wasn’t like he was… mad, right? He had every right to be mad since Jisung had disappeared without telling him, but… 

“Well, what did you find?” Minho asked. He didn’t even ask about Jeongin, only his findings.

“I, uh”, Jisung chewed the inside of his cheek. “I found… I found me, hyung. Myself. Lying on a hospital bed. I am _alive_ , Minho!”

That was when Minho’s face hardened and he stepped further away.

“Then", he looked betrayed. "What the hell are you still doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't proof read sry yall, I'll do it tomorrow morning in the train


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! We're almost done here, after this there is only one more chapter to go!

_“Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation”_

_\- Rumi_

* * *

“I wasn’t wrong”, Sungjin insisted. “Your heart must have stopped beating for a while, and that’s when you crossed the line. No living being can ever cross the line between this world and the other”

“So, I was dead for a while”, Jisung repeated. “And someone saved me?”

“Yes, that’s possible. Your physical body is in a somewhat living state, so to say, but your soul is currently separated from it and that’s why you're here. You might be able to return but if you wish to do that then I suggest you hurry. Each moment spent away from your physical body makes it harder to return”

Jisung nodded. He would have to return to the hospital soon. However, the fact that his heart had stopped beating at some point didn’t sound good. He didn’t know how long his heart had been unmoving but he had been in the forest all alone. Even a minute with a stopped heart would cause incurable damage.

So he had to ask.

“But, if I was dead for a while… could I have brain damage? Or paralysis? Could I be…”

“A vegetable?” Sungjin helpfully finished his sentence for him. “Yes, all of that is possible. Even likely. You can try to return to your body but you might also get stuck in it. Your brain might not work, you may never be able to live normally again. Heavens, you might spend the rest of your life hooked on machines to keep you alive. But that is a risk that you have to take if you want to live again”

Or he could just die, just like he had thought he had all those months ago. Maybe that would be better. Jisung had gotten used to the idea. He didn’t want to be a vegetable, he didn’t want to be paralyzed, he didn’t want to be a burden to his parents for the rest of his life that might not even be that long anymore, considering the damage done to his body by the lack of oxygen. He might never be the same again. 

Jisung had seen himself. His body had looked like it had almost faded away. If he returned to it… He would have to rebuild it, in a way. And it wouldn’t be easy, far from it - it could be _impossible_ and there was no way to say for sure before trying.

“Think about it”, Sungjin said and patted his arm. “But think fast, Han Jisung”

Jisung thanked him. There was nothing left to be said, really. He turned to the door where Minho was still waiting, his arms crossed and his expression hard as stone.

Minho had never looked at him like that before. Jisung didn’t know what to make of it.

This time, it had been Jisung who had dragged him along, when going to meet Sungjin. They had bumped into Jeongin on their way, and the younger had said nothing. He had just stopped running and stared at them passing by, with an unreadable expression on his face. Minho had let Jisung drag him all the way without much protest, but the expression on his face scared Jisung.

He looked so cold. Mad. Just like Jisung had always imagined that spirits would look like.

“What do you think?” He asked Minho as he stood up to walk out of Sungjin’s hut. “Minho hyung?”

“I’ve never seen anything like this”, Minho just shrugged but his posture didn’t change even as Jisung walked past him on his way out. Minho followed him with slow steps. “There’s nothing I can say to that, I obviously don’t know anything”

“What’s wrong?” Jisung asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. “Why are you being so-”

_“Jealous?”_

Another voice joined the conversation. Jisung came face to face with Jeongin, and Minho immediately took a step back. Sungjin had closed the door behind them, so Minho's back hit it and he couldn’t get far. But he wasn’t escaping - his surprised expression turned into that of anger.

“Jealous?” He asked. “How dare you accuse me of such a selfish feeling?”

“It’s obvious, hyung. Let Jisung go”

“Oh, I am letting go, see?” Minho raised his hands, as though he was surrendering. “Go ahead, return to your body”

“Why are you so salty?” Jisung had to ask, anger creeping into his voice. “Isn’t this literally the best thing that could happen? I thought you’d be happy for me!”

Jisung wasn’t even happy for himself but that was beside the point. Minho’s reaction didn’t make any sense.

“I am!” Minho yelled back, his words covered in frustrated anger that didn’t exactly convince Jisung. “That’s why I’m telling you to get going! You are the selfish one here, wasting so much time in the underworld when you’re the only one who isn’t welcome here!”

Jisung’s mouth hung open as though he was a comic character, but he couldn’t help it. Minho’s words were so sharp and accusing, he couldn’t find proper words to answer him. With that, Minho turned and started walking away with long, heavy steps.

“I told you”, Jeongin said quietly, but Jisung shook his head.

No. Jeongin was _wrong._

Minho was projecting. He was envious, he had to be, right? And although it was unfair, Jisung should try to understand him. That was the least he could do to him, being the most privileged spirit in the town of the dead - a living soul. They had had so many good times together, Jisung didn’t want to leave it all in a fight.

Minho was about to lose yet another person while he was stuck. All of a sudden, in a way that he never had before. They had fallen for one another, although it had been inconvenient and not right. Jisung knew Minho, he had seen so many things that Jeongin never had.

And he wasn’t going to leave like that.

“Minho!” he yelled after him and started running. Minho had already made it to the forest but Jisung ran after him, and wrapped his arms around him from behind, effectively preventing him from taking any extra steps.

“Let _go of me_ ”, Minho yelled in anger, but Jisung refused. He felt tears fill his eyes as he pressed his cheek against the older’s back.

“Don’t go, please”, Jisung screamed, his voice breaking in the process. “I don’t want to say goodbye like this”

Minho stopped struggling, and instead, fell on his knees on the ground.

Jisung followed, and for the first time since getting into the town of the dead, he heard Minho cry. Jisung hugged him closer as their knees sank to the muddy ground, Minho hugged his arms tighter around himself and Jisung closed his eyes.

The forest listened in quietness like it always did. The gray and dark world around them never changed, the clouds didn’t part for them again and no one was going to come to cry their tears that shouldn’t even exist.

The emptiness of their world felt more agonizing than ever before. Jisung felt like he could drown in the cold mist, and the only one keeping him grounded was Minho.

Another spirit. Another soul moving nowhere.

And the time passed.

_Tick._

_Tick._

_Tick._

“I’m sorry”, Minho’s voice was shaky, and he couldn’t look at Jisung. “I was scared you had left without saying goodbye, like Jeongin, or that something had finally happened to you in the waters. Dori came back meowing like she had been hurt, I was so worried so I just, I don’t know, felt mad. If it makes sense”

“Because it hurts less to be angry than sad”, Jisung muttered. Minho turned around to look at him, confused, but Jisung smiled through his tears. “You taught me so many things here. Many of them without even noticing it yourself”

“Oh no”, Minho answered but smiled a little as well. “That doesn’t sound all that good. I’m messing up your psyche with my poor coping skills”

“Mmh”, Jisung brushed a loose strand of hair from Minho’s face. They were tangled, so close, on the cold forest floor. “Does it matter? We’re dead.”

“Yeah. No”, Minho shook his head. “You’re not. You never were”

“I was as unreal as you, I have been separated from my body for months now”, Jisung said, his hand still in Minho’s hair. “I… I don’t even remember what it is like, being flesh and bone and blood. I’m not sure if I want to feel it again”

“What do you mean?” Minho asked although Jisung could see from his eyes that the older knew what he was thinking.

“I don’t have to go”

“NO”, Minho answered so suddenly and loudly that Jisung jumped a little. “You have to. There is no other option”

Jisung furrowed his brows.

“But Sungjin said-”

“It doesn’t matter how bad your life could be. It’s still life. It will only last a few decades even if it’s awful”

Minho wasn’t listening to him. Jisung squeezed his arm.

“But I could have brain damage, or something equally as bad!” it gave him chills, just thinking of it. “ I might not be able to make any decisions for myself ever again. Wouldn’t that scare you?”

“No”, Minho said strictly. “Even if it is that bad, you owe it to your family to try”

 _You owe it to your family_.

Minho sounded so sure. But it wasn’t him who was going back, it was Jisung, and he would have to make that decision himself. 

Jisung still didn’t know how Minho had died. Or why he refused to go on land. He kept eyeing him, and it was almost as though his question reached him telepathically since Minho took a deep breath and shared his story with him.

Finally.

“I died in the hands of a burglar”, he said, and every single word he said seemed to hurt him. “Over fifty years ago, in the forest. I didn’t even have much of value with me, but that didn’t prevent him from slicing my throat open and burying me alive. I was ripped out of my life for no reason, and my family thought I had just run away because I couldn’t do what they wanted me to. They were so hurt, they needed me, and I don’t think any of them forgave me for leaving. I would give anything to go back, to do exactly what they asked, to make them happy.”

Minho sounded so regretful, fifty years' worth of pain lying heavy on his words. Of course, there would be a dark story behind why he was there. No one had had it easy. Jisung was the luckiest person in the village, the only soul alive in the city of the dead, but he was scared. If he returned successfully, he would not be able to come back and spend his days as he had used to. Or, maybe he could, but then he would have to-

“You know, Jisungie, this town is filled with regret”, Minho continued, stopping his dark train of thought. “So many words that were left unsaid, so many things people didn’t have the time to do. You have some of your own, I know you do, everyone here does. You could do it, you might be able to say it all and do it all - wouldn’t even the slightest chance make it worth it to try? You will have so much time to be dead later. Go back Jisung, if not for yourself then for everyone else who can’t do that”

The last sentence clicked something in Jisung’s head. _For everyone else who can’t do that_ \- he could go and tell Jeongin’s mother to stop crying. He could tell Felix’s siblings that he is okay, that he is no longer in pain. He could find the remaining members of Minho’s family and tell them what actually happened. He could set them all free.

He might end up disabled and he could wake up as something else than he used to be. He might die again, without having the chance to do anything.

But the possibility was right there. 

He had to take it. For himself, for everyone else.

“Okay”, Jisung said as he stood up. “I’m going”

“You are?” Minho asked. He didn’t sound surprised, but rather... sad.

“Yeah. I’m going to try. To come back to life. I will do it for all of you!”

“That’s… that’s great! But… You might not be able to help us”

Minho’s face looked so pale in the moonlight. Even paler than before. Jisung had just been reminded of what a living, solid world looked like, and returning to the lands of the purgatory felt cold, untrue. He wanted out of there. Everyone did. Everyone should.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Jisung asked. “Sungjin didn’t say anything about that”

“Yeah, but no one will know what happens once you return", Jisung could see the reflection of the silvery moon from Minho's eyes - oh, so the clouds had indeed parted that night. "People have their hearts stop all the time, you’ve heard of near-death experiences, right? But none of them remember entering a purgatory. None of them know anything. You won’t be able to bring these memories to your living body with you, because there is no trace of them in your physical brain”

Jisung sat back down, all energy leaving his spirit body.

Yeah. There were no traces of any of this in his body that was heavy with flesh and blood and bones. His lips had still never kissed anyone, no one had ever made his heart pump faster and his cheeks turn red. He had never been in love, physically.

He wouldn’t remember. 

No.

He refused to forget.

“One has to make a lot of sacrifices to live”, Minho said quietly and started stroking Jisung’s hair as the younger leaned his head on his shoulder. “Life is so precious. Fragile.”

Sungjin had told him to hurry. But Jisung had been away for months - an hour or two more wouldn’t change anything. He leaned his head on Minho’s shoulder and for a while, he focused on listening to the wind in the forest.

  
  


…

  
  


“You need to come with me. Over the lake and to the forest, I need you to come”

“Why?” Minho asked quietly. Jisung was holding his hand tight as they looked over the waters, into the mist where Jisung would have to return to. 

“I need you to show me where you died”, Jisung squeezed his hand even harder, to add more power to his shaky words. “I can find you and prove to your relatives what happened”

Minho’s face didn’t change much, but Jisung could almost swear that he saw his eyes turn shinier. 

“But you won’t remember anything”

“But I _might”_ , Jisung insisted and stepped in front of Minho so that the older had no choice but to look at him. “Even if there is just a slight chance, I should take it, right? Isn’t that what this is all about”? 

Their eyes locked, and Jisung wished he could tell Minho everything through his eyes. He saw the weight of so many years in his eyes, he saw regrets and pain but also, he saw so much kindness and warmth. Minho deserved to move on, to something better than endless grayness.

“Please, hyung”, he stepped even closer. “Let me try. For you."

Minho blinked and a tear escaped from his eyes. A single, shining tear ran down his cheek, but before Jisung could reach out to wipe it away for him, Minho had pulled him into a hug. 

It was his way of saying yes, kind of, when he couldn’t get a word out.

Jisung led him to the boats. One of the cats followed them there - it was Dori. The smallest one, who had barely grown to become an adult cat before death had taken her. Jisung crouched down to pet it - the cat knew what was going on, Jisung could sense it. It meowed so sadly, Jisung felt even worse.

“Say goodbye to Doongi for me”, he whispered and pressed a kiss on the cat’s head. “Be a good kitten, alright?”

It sat down on the cold sand and watched as Jisung and Minho stepped on the boat. Jisung still didn’t know how to read cats all that well, but Dori looked like it was sad. It was just a feeling that Jisung got when watching the cat. So, as soon as he stepped on the boat, he turned to look away.

“So, where to?” Felix asked as they sat down. “Back where we started?” 

“No, actually”, Jisung glanced at Minho. “We need to get to the forest”

“Forest? What forest?”

Jisung looked at Minho who kept his eyes at the waters next to the boat.

“I don’t know exactly”, he said. “The world has changed, I can’t name the place”

“Then imagine it”, Felix tried to smile a little but Minho wasn’t looking at him. “Lead the way”

“How do I do that?”

“Just believe that you can”, Felix made it sound so simple. “And I’ll take you wherever you want to go”

Jisung kept his eyes away from the island as Felix started rowing. He closed his eyes and followed the instructions previously laid to him by Jeongin. 

He hadn't even told him goodbye.

How thoughtless of him.

Maybe Minho could forward a message.

The time started passing quicker as they neared the land of the living, and before long, the mist evaporated as they reached the shore.

They were on a lake, or, that much Jisung could see. Minho had told Jisung before that he had lived in Seoul. Maybe they were around Seoul then. At the outskirts of Seoul since the capital didn't have many forests. Jisung looked around but he couldn't recognize the place. The night was cloudless in Seoul as well, but the starry sky wasn't nearly as beautiful as it had been in the purgatory.

Seoul and it's lights was beautiful, but it also had its downsides.

"Thank you, Yongbok", Minho said as he jumped out of the boat. Jisung followed. The moss felt wet under his shoes.

"Yeah, thank you", he said as well. "For everything"

Felix smiled, but there was no sadness in his eyes. He looked genuinely happy.

"I hope you have a great life", he said. "And hyung, come back to this place and call me when you want to come back, alright?"

They watched Felix disappear into the mist before walking into the forest.

Jisung had almost forgotten what the nightsky used to be like, near Seoul. How the crazy city used to be like at night, how loud it used to be. FOllowing Minho in the forest, he thought about that a lot. In a way, he wanted to show it to him. To see the wonder in Minho’s eyes as he saw the lights of the metropolis, the cars, and the planes and the crazy nightlife. He wanted him to see it all.

But Minho didn’t belong to that time. Or maybe he could have if he had lived long enough. But he didn’t. So, seeing all that would only mess him up more. Only hearing about those things made him confused, so seeing them… 

He didn’t need to. The forest hadn’t changed that much, Minho could navigate there somehow, and Jisung followed him. Nature was the same for both of them, the skies and the treesthat had already grown there fifty years ago. Before long, Minho stopped to a small opening that looked like any other to Jisung, but meant much more to him.

"This is it", he said, and touched a pine tree gently. "I was killed here"

Jisung looked around. The ground looked untouched, there was nothing unusual in that place. It had been fifty years ago after all, but Jisung had hoped that there would be something. Anything. He touched the ground, and closed his eyes.

Rememeber.

Remember.

_Remember._

“The last thing I saw”, Minho said quietly as he sat down under the tree. “Was the stars between the trees. I saw… I remember one constellation, Cassiopeia. It looks like a big letter M in the sky. Do you know Cassiopeia?”

“Um, no”, Jisung answered. Was that something he should know..?

“I was interested in stars when I was little. My dad bought me a book for my fifteenth birthday, it was very expensive and I always held it close to me. There were lots of old Greek stories of star constellations in there. I don’t remember many of them anymore but… Cassiopeia was a vain woman. The gods punished her by sending her to the skies after her death. Upside down. There she has to brush her hair, the blood running to her head, forever”

“What does she have to do with you?”

“Not much. Other than that she was cursed”, Minho continued. “I… I sat here, for a few days after my death, until a reaper came to get me. I sat on top of my grave, wondering what was going on”

“I never saw a reaper”

“Too many people die now, reapers no longer exist”, Minho said. “There are too many souls dying each day, too many are born, it’s as though… as though they matter less to the heavens now. It’s as though they don’t want us up there anymore”

It was easy to think that way, looking around in the purgatory. The place was like a waiting room, while the heavens were busy. Some people were just... forgotten there. A single soul mattered less and less all the time.

"But enough about that"; Minho shook his head and took Jisung's hand. "Come, I'll show you the way to the road"

And they went. When they reached the asphalt road that was illuminated by street lights, Jisung finally felt it. The familiar pull toward the hospital, towards himself. He knew the way, although he had never walked it before. He wanted to go, he needed to go.

Whatever happened. The morning was calling out to him and he had to leave before it came.

“It’s getting late”, Minho said quietly. Under the orange street light, he looked hollow, more transparent than ever before. Jisung felt cold, he felt the warmth and wind coming from further away, from where he was supposed to go. Life was calling out to him. 

“You should go”

“I should”, Jisung agreed, but he felt sadness in his heart that he had never felt before. He was going to return to his limited body, his fragile, easily broken human body that was heavier to carry. The one that kept aging and breaking.

The one that could feel so much more. The one that could be touched differently.

But never by Minho. Or anyone else he had learned to know during the past few months.

Minho was so close, Jisung could count his eyelashes. He looked so beautiful, in the darkness of the night. And so young - too young to die in the hands of a burglar. 

“Don’t be sorry for someone who is dead, Jisung”, Minho wiped away the tears Jisung hadn’t even realized he had cried. “I lose people all the time. But never this way”

_Maybe this will only end up hurting you, me, since you’re going to wake up in the living world without a single trace of me in your memory, but my heart will be even heavier than before._

_Go. Don’t make it harder._

_Or maybe this could help me remember._

Jisung took a shaky breath.

“Don’t come to visit me”, he said, squeezing his eyes shut and feeling the leftover tears run down his cheeks. “I don’t want you to be sad if I’ve forgotten. I don’t want to, but it’s not up to me. You will hear about me, if I do remember, so please. Wait for me”

“Okay”, Minho said quietly but he sounded like he might cry too. Jisung could never truly understand his pain, but he felt it. Under the tree that had watched as he had walked into the forest to meet his faith, Jisung found it hard to believe that he was letting go. He was leaving Minho behind.

Caring, unselfish, kind, loving Lee Minho. 

Jisung leaned his back against the oak. 

“Kiss me, hyung”, he said, his voice barely above a whisper as he opened his eyes again. “Kiss me goodbye”

The expression on Minho’s face was unreadable, but tears were shining on his cheeks. He cupped Jisung’s face carefully, like he was made out of silk or porcelain or something equally as fragile. He leaned closer slowly, and Jisung closed his eyes, anticipating what was to come.

“Goodbye, Han Jisung”, he whispered, his lips so close to Jisung’s own that he could feel his breath on them. “Live well”

And he pressed his lips against Jisung’s.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, guys. The end has come.

_The last enemy to be destroyed is death_

_Corinthians 15:26_

* * *

  
  


“Is there still a long way to go? My feet hurt!”

“Stop whining, we haven’t even walked for an hour yet.”

“But an hour one way means another hour back!”

Jisung rolled his eyes. Changbin had been getting on his nerves ever since stepping out of the car. Taking 3Racha with him had been the only way he was allowed to go into the forest though, so, he just had to endure.

It had been two months since Jisung had woken up in the hospital. He had no memories of ever even going into the forest where he apparently had fallen and hit his head. His heart had _literally_ stopped afterwards - he had a heart problem that had never been detected before, and it had shown its power at the worst possible moment.

Luckily, almost impossibly luckily, there had been hikers taking the same route as him and they had heard him crash down. They had performed CPR on him and called him an ambulance, effectively saving his life. His own struggle hadn’t ended there though - both his heart and head had been “acting up’ in the hospital and he had laid in a coma for months. His parents had flown back from Malaysia and his grandmother had visited him every single day. They had refused to lose their hope even if he was showing no signs of coming back.

No one told him directly, but Jisung knew that there had been discussions. Hospital time was expensive, the doctors had lost their hope. Many decided to turn off the life support earlier. Most of Jisung’s friends had come and bid their farewells to him around the New Year’s.

But then, in May, he had opened his eyes again.

The whole thing was so… It felt so unreal. There were a whole bunch of miracles and improbabilities there, the chain of events that had taken place was unique since each part had been so unlikely to happen yet it had. Jisung had just lost four months of his life, lying on a hospital bed. Almost dying. Technically, he had “died” in the forest as his heart had stopped beating, and his condition had only deteriorated in the hospital. The doctors had been almost certain that if he ever woke up again, he would return as a vegetable.

But after waking up, Jisung had started returning to normal. He knew that he would never forget what it was like meeting everyone again, seeing the unbelieving expressions on their faces as they saw him breathe on his own, speak, do the bare minimum. For Jisung, it had only been a second from one ordinary afternoon to another, but the others had watched him fade away for months.

His mind no longer lagged, in that way he was almost perfectly normal already. Physically he still had to take it very easy, and someone was constantly keeping an eye on him. Jisung could walk just fine though, his weight and muscles were slowly returning to healthy levels. However, the walks he used to take in the forest were still forbidden, and he had to take heavy medicine for his heart. He also had to visit the hospital weekly, to make sure everything was alright. 

There had just been this… feeling that was pulling him towards the forest. He hadn’t been able to explain it, but it wouldn’t leave him alone. Jisung dreamed of young guys he had never seen before, of demons and dark forests and cats. He had been ready to brush it off as just after-coma dreams until he had visited his grandma’s friends again.

One of his grandma’s friends had a piano. Jisung sometimes played it after fixing whatever had to be fixed and carrying her groceries. He just played some chords, simple melodies as the elderly were drinking tea in the kitchen. 

That was where he had made his way that time as well. He hadn’t been allowed to carry bags that time but he had fixed the old granny’s computer (aka charged it a little and restarted it).

There were framed pictures on top of the piano. Jisung had never paid much attention to them since they looked like they were just regular family photos. Wedding pictures, young children, family pets, stuff like that. However, this time there was something that caught his eye.

A very old picture of a young woman and man. It looked several decades old, yellow, and of poor quality, but the frame had just been polished and it had certainly been kept well. The people in the picture were dressed in quite posh clothes, and they posed awkwardly but the guy had a small smile on his face. Jisung couldn’t help but stare, the boy looked familiar.

“Granny, who are these people?” He pointed at the picture when the women came to the living room after a while. The house was really small but Jisung still didn’t want to disturb them by shouting, nor move the picture that had been kept clean so well. He had been clumsy ever since waking up - maybe because he was still healing, or maybe it was a trait that had come to stay. Anyway.

“Oh, those”, the granny, Minhee, came closer to see. “are my elder siblings, Minho and Minyoung”.

Jisung had only ever heard of Minyoung, who had passed away a few years ago. But Minhee had never mentioned having an elder brother.

“What happened to him?”

“Oh, I wish I knew”, Minhee said with a tired voice. Her eyes looked a bit sad but the sadness wasn’t raw. It seemed like she had been carrying it for a while already. “He disappeared and never came back. I think it was… oh my, it has been over fifty years now”

Jisung turned back to the picture. The boy couldn’t have been more than twenty in it. He looked so familiar, something in Jisung’s heart told him that he was important. Why?

“How can someone just disappear?”

“The world was very different back then”, Minhee sighed as she sat down on the sofa where Jisung’s grandma already was, shuffling the channels on Minhee’s old TV. “My father was angry and thought that Minho had just run away because my family was pushing him to get married. He was really handsome, he could have married anyone that he wanted.”

It was easy to agree on that.

“Minho spent quite a lot of time out in the evenings, my mother kept telling him to bring ‘that girl’ over but Minho never did. I don’t think it was like that - or what do I know, I wasn’t even a teenager when Minho disappeared. One time he left, like on any other day, but he never returned. My mother started to believe that he had gotten mugged. Killed. I kind of want to think that he just ran away and lived a happy life somewhere but a part of me just can’t believe that. Minho was the sweetest, most unselfish person I’ve ever known. He would have never hurt our poor mother like that. I just wish I knew why he was taken from us so early”

Jisung kept staring at the picture, and his heart felt like it was being clenched.

“Did you forgive him?”

“Me? Of course, I did, I never thought for a second that it was his own fault”, Only when Minhee answered him, did Jisung realize how random his question had been. But hearing her answer somehow soothed him. “It was hard, since we never got closure, an answer. But I believe that in the end, even my father understood that Minho wouldn’t have done that willingly”

_What a relief. I should go tell-_

What. _What,_ Jisung? _Tell what?_

When he blinked, he could only see shadows. And mist.

The forest.

_He had to go to the forest._

So he went. With 3Racha, a few days after visiting Minhee.

Changbin kept on getting to his nerves, and Jisung tried to be polite while focusing on his breathing. The upward ascending forest ground was nothing like the flat asphalt. 

“You know what”, he said. “you can call me crazy-”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing”

“- But I just have this feeling, that we could find something there. And it’s going to drive me _insane_ if I can’t go and see it so _please just shut up and let me do what I have to”_

“Okay Jisung, don’t strain your heart”, Chan laid a hand on his shoulder. Jisung felt his heart go crazy with his anger, maybe skipping a beat, but he wouldn’t tell Chan that. Because then Chan and Changbin would just force him to turn around and it would take weeks before he got to come to the forest again. He had to find… whatever it was that had been bugging him.

It hadn’t just been because of the family picture at Minhee’s that he wanted to go. No. Jisung had felt that way long before he had even been able to stand on his own two feet. When he had still had to use a walking stick, he had visited a small graveyard near the hospital. 

It was an ordinary graveyard, packed and small, and there was also a series of high walls that had been filled with metal plates to honor the ones who had been cremated. Most of them only contained a name and the time of death but some of them had pictures carved on them as well. Of family members, mostly. Or the dead themselves.

Jisung ran his hands through some of the plates. He didn’t recognize any of the names, but still, some of them caught his eye. It wasn’t because the names were out of the ordinary, it was just a feeling. So many people had died so young, even younger than he himself.

He hadn’t died, thank god. Even though he was leaning on a walking stick at 19, he was luckier than any of those who had gone before him. Time was precious.

“Tell me, son, who are you looking for?”

Jisung turned around to see a woman sitting on a bench very close to him. She didn’t look that old, maybe in her forties, but the grayness had taken over her early. Her eyes looked tired and sad. But she looked friendly, under it all.

“I know this place better than my own home”, she said. “Are you looking for someone specific?”

“No, I’m not,'' Jisung said honestly and sat down next to her. He shouldn’t stand for long periods of time, he felt tired already. He took a look at the pink bouquet in his hand and then back to the woman. “I’m just… looking around”

“I do that a lot too”, the woman sighed. It was summer but she wore thick clothes, as though the sun couldn’t touch her. Jisung sometimes felt cold when he was sad - maybe this woman felt so too.

“I actually have a son”, the woman said, after a moment of silence. “He would be around your age now. He died four years ago, but I still come see him every day”

Old people usually loved sharing their stories, and maybe cemeteries affected younger people as well. Jisung didn’t mind, he wasn’t in a hurry and honestly, his experience had taught him to take it slow. Appreciate life, listen more, don’t hurry from place A to B. So, listening to this woman was really no stretch - quite the opposite actually. He just wondered why she was telling this story to him in particular, as there were others in the cemetery too.

Maybe Jisung was the only one who bothered to stop and listen.

“My son loved hot pink”, she nodded towards Jisung’s bouquet. “I try to find different pink flowers to bring him, just for some variety. I just wish I could have hugged him more and told him that I loved him more since he was taken from me so early. I- ah, sorry” The woman pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and dried her eyes that had filled with tears upon the mention of her son. Jisung eyed her for a moment.

“Honestly, ma’am”, he started, looking at the many nameplates spreading before them. “I almost ended up here just a few weeks ago. I am living a second chance that not many get to have”

The woman was still drying her tears, but Jisung knew that she was listening.

“I know this doesn’t apply to everyone but I wouldn’t want my mother to come here every day just to see me, who is not even here anymore. I would want her to remember our good times together and live on. So that, when I’d finally meet her on the other side, she could tell me all about the amazing things that life still let her experience after I had left. That way I could be only a joy in her life - someone she got to love for however long I was here, and whose memory could be a guiding light for her after. I wouldn’t want to be a burden that keeps her locked in place, makes her come here every day, and never let go. Maybe my life was short. But it was because of her love that I was here in the first place. I would want her to remember that love and go on with her life”

Where did that come from? 

Jisung covered his mouth with his hand but there was nothing he could do, the words were already out.

Had he gone too far? Jisung glanced at the woman who was still drying her tears but she didn’t seem angry. Rather, she looked up at Jisung and opened her arms wide for a hug.

Jisung leaned forward, of course. The woman’s hug was comforting, warm. 

“You may be right”, she said with her still broken voice. “I may have spent too much time here”

“Leaving this place doesn’t mean leaving him behind”, Jisung answered. “He is not here anyway. Never was. I’m sure he would want you to be happy”

“Yeah, he would. My baby was always unselfish like that”, the woman nodded. “Ah, I’d better head home.”

“Would you want to take these flowers?” Jisung offered. “I mean, not to his grave but rather with you? I don’t know who I bought them for anyway, maybe they could brighten the living this way?”

Jisung had quite literally walked into the flower store next to the graveyard and picked the first bouquet he saw. He couldn’t go to the graveyard without flowers, now, could he?

“Oh, well”, the woman eyed the bouquet. “That is very sweet of you. Thank you”

As Jisung watched the woman walk away, a weird feeling of thankfulness surrounded his heart.

“How much further?” Changbin was still whining but Jisung wasn’t nearly as annoyed by it anymore. Because they had come to a part of the forest that felt familiar. Jisung knew for a fact that he had never been to this side of the forest himself but something about it felt good. They were getting there.

“Not much”, he said and stopped to touch a tree. Chan and Changbin were at his side immediately, asking if he needed to lie down or possibly be taken away by a rescue helicopter but Jisung brushed them aside. They were like mosquitoes, gosh, but it wasn’t like he could spray some aerosol on his clothes to get them away from his skin.

Whatever. They were there. Jisung dropped his guitar box to the ground (that he had fought tooth and nail for to carry by himself because he was sO fRaGiLe Oh My GoD) and opened it, to pull out a-

“Shovel?” Changbin squeaked. “What for? Did we come treasure hunting?”

“Jisung, what’s going on?” Chan was calmer but concerned too. Of course, he was carrying the heaviest responsibility there. 

“How many times do I have to tell you”, Jisung took another one out before standing up again. “That I don’t know. Catch”

“And how many times do I have to tell you that _that is freaking weird_ \- oof”, Changbin only barely caught the shovel flying his way before he got hit by it. Pfft. 

"Just dig around a bit, okay?" Jisung said. He felt weirdly confident all of a sudden. "For... an hour, max. If nothing unusual comes up, we can leave and never come back"

Chan and Changbin shared a glance. Jisung pretended that he didn't see the message that was exchanged between the two of them - _he has lost it, hasn't he? Yeah, but let's just play this game for a short while. For his sake. An hour isn't much if it means that he will finally shut up._

Jisung hit his shovel to the ground and not soon after, heard the others do the same.

Jisung dug a bit, stopped to think, and then filled the hole again. He switched places, dug, filled, moved. The sun was burning his back and making him sweat uncomfortably, he wiped his face to his shirt and continued. He sometimes stole a glance at Changbin and Chan and concluded that the others were of no help whatsoever - the holes they dug were even more shallow than his, and they weren't working half as hard as him.

Whatever. They were merely his like guards anyway. Jisung wiped his forehead to his arm and continued digging.

After half an hour, the area looked like a playground. Sandbox. And Jisung wasn't any closer to whatever it was that he wanted to find than he had been.

Shit, he should have said two hours instead of one.

"Jisung, come drink some water", Chan said from where he was sitting in the shade, keeping an eye on him.

"I'm fine, hyung-"

"Water, Jisung", Chan said strictly and lifted the bottle. "Or we will head home right now"

Jisung rolled his eyes and then stared at Chan murderously while he walked over and took a long sip of the sparkling water. The older just stared back at him with equal determination. Jisung felt a bit as though he was being reprimanded - treated like a stubborn child. He looked away and threw the bottle back at Chan who caught it with ease. Gosh, he was annoying. They were all annoying.

Everything was annoying. The stupid forest and his stupid accident and everything that had led him to that stupid, annoying moment it-

_Clunk._

His shovel hit something hard in the ground. Another rock, maybe? Jisung dug some more, throwing the soft sand around, as well as mud and pieces of dead plants until he saw what he had hit.

It was something quite light in color. Jisung continued digging around it until his shovel hit the hard parts on the ground multiple times. He stopped when he saw something very unusual.

Dark fabric. He didn’t need to get any closer, he didn’t need to inspect it further. Because he recognized it. Somewhere deep inside he knew what he had found. He didn’t know how to explain it, not now nor would he ever, but he knew that he had done the right thing. The wind blew aggressively between the trees and moved the leaves, it sounded like nature was applauding.

“Guys”, he said, and both Chan and Changbin turned to him immediately. “Come here”

They didn’t need to be asked twice. Jisung sat down on the forest floor, as the two ran closer to see what he had found.

“Oh god”, Chan said. “Is that-”

“Yeah”, Jisung nodded. “It’s a human skeleton”

“What the fuck Jisung?!” Changbin exclaimed. “What- how- Why- What’s going on?!”

“That’s Lee Minhee’s brother. He disappeared without a trace, fifty years ago”, Jisung’s explanation was only deepening the unbelieving frowns on their faces. “Something told me that he would be here”

“Something? _Something?!_ What, are you some sort of a psychic now?”

“This is serious, Jisung,” Chan said and dug his phone from his pocket. “We should call the police. I hope you have a better explanation for them than that”

“Mmh”, Jisung nodded and fell on his back on the ground. He hid his eyes with his arm and just… just laughed.

“Man”, he shook his head, not caring that his hair got sandy. “This is crazy”

“Are you alright?” Changbin sounded so distressed that he might blow up, get a heart attack of his own if he wasn’t careful. “Should we call an ambulance?”

“I _am_ , gosh, stop being so dramatic!” Jisung kicked his way and took a deep breath. “Just give me a minute”

Changbin’s distress, as well as Chan’s voice as he spoke to the phone, all faded away as Jisung felt nature come alive around him. The leaves, the wind, the scratching against the ground as something moved on it. There were bees and squirrels and crows and hares, the noisy and breathing life was like a beautiful symphony all around them. But all that the others could see was the sight that Jisung had dug up.

Jisung knew that he should feel like them too. Scared, distressed, anxious, worried, troubled. He had been the one who had led them in the middle of the forest to dig up an old corpse, after all. That was… fucked up. But he felt none of that. 

The wind played with his hair as he laid on the forest floor, and there was just this one thought that surrounded his heart.

_Thank you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who have seen Corpse Bride: I kind of imagined Minho losing his life similarly to Emily. In Corpse Bride, Emily ran away to get married which is not what Minho did but there are some similarities. I left it vague for a reason so, I’d love to know what you think.
> 
> Because hey, we’re done now! It took me way longer than intended, to get this done, and I’m not all that satisfied with how this turned out but it’s good enough. I enjoyed writing it. So now, I only have one thing that I want from YOU and that is:
> 
> Have a great, productive, relaxing, good day filled with whatever you need right now. Stay safe everyone!
> 
> (And of course, I’d value your comments over everything, I’d love to know what you think about this story. Even just a word or two would be greatly appreciated. Don’t forget to leave kudos, and really, I hope you all spend great lives and leave with no regrets)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Tell me what you think down in the comments if you feel like it, or hit the kudos button - it would make me really happy :) I'll see you all soon, stay safe everyone!


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